The brittleness of trust

It is a funny thing, to trust. Really trust.

Trust is, or at least should be earned. It is at the core of all our higher order emotions and motives. Trust takes a long time to build. Not surface trust, like that in a shelter or a well-made car. No, I mean real trust, in people.

Take a strong marriage as an example.  It takes varying degrees of simple trust to make it to the altar, but this trust at the beginning of a relationship does not compare to the astounding level of trust that builds after years fighting shoulder to shoulder. 

Trust in another is greatest when you have cried in grief together late into the night or held a sick child in your arms not sure how you’ll cope. It is at its most astounding when life has reduced you to your most basic, unappealing form over decades of struggle and yet still your partner holds you close.

Difficult times

Difficult times really do reveal a person’s true character. Want to know if someone really has ‘got your six’? Then tell them you’ve got a mental illness.  The metaphorical room where you keep true friends will shrink by about half almost immediately. This sounds sad, but you can be assured that the ones that are left will be with you for the long haul.

Trust is funny then, because when it is broken, it is not easily healed. Like a vessel with a fine but obvious crack, it will never be as trustworthy as it once was. Trust once spurned is not easily won over again.

Institutions

This is especially true of institutions.  An unfaithful person can grow of their own volition, an unfaithful person can learn, an unfaithful person can change.  An institution cannot.  Not unless an act of parliament forces them to.

There are parallels though.  Just as there is little sadder than hearing that a once strong marriage of twenty or more years has finally failed, there is little sadder than an institution treating a long-term employee or client with great disrespect. Someone who has earned trust over a long period.

To be broken and abandoned by something that you were once proud to be associated with is a betrayal of the highest order.  Trust once spurned, will never fully return.

Look at an employee injured at work through no fault of their own, whether it be physical or mental. In this country, that means you will be doubted, tested, questioned, examined, ignored, undervalued and cast aside as an inconvenience. Your once honourable career and your aspirations for a better life are worth but nought.

The system is flawed

In a system designed to protect institutions and insurance companies from charges of misconduct, where every decision is implemented to ensure that these organisations do the bare minimum for once loyal employees, the forgotten people are the victims. It sounds ridiculous, but the victims, those who once trusted their employer, are almost superfluous to the whole process.  Like Red from Shawshank Prison once said “Truth be known …… this whole process is in place so that a young fella can have a job where he wears a suit.” It has nothing to do with welfare.

Nobody, save a loyal GP or a powerless colleague, is on their side.  Even the Rehab Consultant is paid by the insurance company.  Nobody sits down with the victim’s young children and explains PTSD to them. No one tells them why Dad is always sad, jumpy and angry. Nobody reassures the victim’s partner that the person they married is still in that injured body somewhere.  Nobody tells them that their mortgage will be paid.

Instead they are told that their pay will reduce by 20% soon.  They are told they will have to see an independent medical professional to ascertain if they are telling the truth.  A medical professional paid by the Insurance company incidentally.  They do not have phone calls or emails returned for months on end, only to be then contacted and threatened twice in a week.  The people handling ‘their case’ change almost monthly and all of these people assume you know what’s going on. None of whom seem to care that you were not at fault and have a good reputation.

Trust is not easily won back

No, trust is not easily won back in these circumstances.

If you are lucky enough to return to work in a temporary, part time position with a view to working your way back, you will quickly discover that your situation has changed.  Strangers point and whisper as you pass by on your way to a hot desk in a new office. Colleagues you haven’t seen for twenty years will say “Oh yeah, I heard about you”.  Managers you don’t know will tell you they can’t guarantee your position past Easter and that they won’t be handling your case personally.

No trust is not easily won back.

This, then, is my plan

So, here’s what I’m going to do……I’m going to take my own advice and I’m going to look after myself.  I’m going to look after my loved ones and I will be kind and generous to the weak and the dispossessed.  I will hold on tightly to the ones who offer a supportive arm and I am going to speak my mind to the evil, powerful and soulless without fear, because I know I am loved. There will be daily reminders that I am trusted and have loved ones in whom I hold trust. Genuine, honest, self-denying trust that the faceless bastards who are paid to pretend to care can’t touch.