Five key differences between sadness and depression

Sadness and depression are related. Sadness comes like the rain.  When things are dark and the earth is cracked, raindrops fall.  Despite the inconvenience of needing to prepare yourself for a wet day, you cope, because you know the rain is only temporary. Necessary even.  A day or two, a week, but then it’s gone and the sun comes out again and you flourish.

Depression is more like El Nino.  It comes along and disrupts weather patterns for years at a time, bringing heavy rain and strong winds.  Even when El Nino is not the dominating force, it is off gathering strength for another run.  If I’ve got the science wrong, please just accept it for the sake of the simile.

For the doubters…

Firstly, for the doubters amongst us, let me say that depression is a real illness.  Depression has symptoms and requires a diagnosis from a medical doctor, often a specialist.  It is not just someone who is a bit soft, or not coping with life.  If that’s what you think, then head on back to your cave.  This post is not for you.

For the rest of us, here are a few key differences between sadness and depression.

1. Sadness is subjective. Depression is objective.

The good thing about sadness is that you get to decide if you are sad or not and how sad you are.  Your response to a set of disappointing or negative circumstances is your own and it can’t be measured externally.  Your friends, family or colleagues don’t get to say if you are sad or not.

Depression on the other hand requires a diagnosis from a Doctor.  In order to be diagnosed you need to show a number of specific symptoms over a longer period.  These include, but are not limited to lack of sleep, over tiredness, sadness, anxiety, irritability, loss of interest in activities and isolation. 

2. Appropriate response vs disproportionate response

Sadness is an entirely appropriate response to difficult circumstances.  Whether it is as simple as a child dropping their unlicked ice cream, or as complex as a middle-aged person saying goodbye to a beloved parent at a graveside, sadness is appropriate.  Sadness gives expression to grief and allows a person to express themselves and ultimately begin to heal.  Like all wounds, be they physical or emotional, given enough clean air, sadness will heal.

When my own father died, I was bereft for a long time.  There was a hole in my chest that I thought I could never fill.  Grief is exhausting. Over time though, when faced with a situation where I unconsciously responded with one of Dad’s common phrases, or when I saw his expression on my brother’s face, I learnt to smile again.  The memories were fond.  Knowing he would not want to be the cause of my sadness, I was able to let go of the pain.

Depression is on the other hand a totally disproportionate response to an event or trigger.  Where depression is similar, is that in my experience, it feels precisisley like grief.  The difference being that not only is it too much grief for the circumstances, it refuses to be switched off. 

3. Situational Depression is different to Major Depression

There is of course Situational Related Depression, which again, like sadness, is an appropriate temporary response to a difficult situation.  The death of a loved one, being retrenched, the end of a relationship and a negative diagnosis are some of the more common triggers, where sadness is not a detailed enough label. People can and do feel terrible pain at times like these.  Pain that is worse than sadness.  Pain that won’t go away as easily as it should.  

The simple difference between Situational Related Depression and Major Depressive Disorder is that once you have appropriate treatment, situational depression can be fully healed and a balanced life returned to.  Major Depressive Disorder, on the other hand, is an overpowering lifetime diagnosis, hence the image of the black dog.  A dog is faithful and sticks with you for life.  Major depression requires consistent management for the long term.

4. Sadness is specific. Depression is general.

I can clearly remember how I felt when John Lennon was shot.  Like many Beatles fans across the world, I was shocked and reduced by the horrific end to his life.  I was so sad that I cried.  The feeling stayed with me for days.

In the end, the music won out and whenever I hear it now, it brings me joy. The memory of John is a good one. I was sad for a time, but except for one instance when I visited the Dakota Building in New York City, the life of John brings me joy.  I remember how he lived more than how he died and this is appropriate.  This is sadness.

Depression is a far more general experience.  Sure it can be triggered by something specific, but the accompanying response to that trigger is overwhelming to the point that it affects your whole life.  It can even be bad enough to hinder your ability to function at a basic level and won’t go away.  All you can do is try to manage it.

5. Healthy vs unhealthy response

With sadness at specific events, often people will make choices to change their life.  The loss of a job or relationship as an example, can often be a trigger for people to improve their future or remove things that aren’t working.  With sadness, people can also realise that they need to be kind to themselves at times like these.  A healthy mind, even though it is sad, will try to deal with the sadness in an appropriate manner.

A depressed mind, however, often has a strong sense of helplessness and self esteem problems attached to it.  A depressed mind will blame itself unfairly, give up too quickly, and in some very difficult moments, even question the value of living. Your depressed mind is not a good life coach.

Remember the differences

Sadness and depression are definitely linked, though they are not the same thing.  While sadness is normal, healthy and appropriate, it can and does lead to depression in some people occasionally.  Depression can be a killer if left untreated and so it needs to be kept under guard at all times.

Get to know yourself emotionally.  Observe yourself when you are sad so that you know what is normal in darker times.  Rate your moods out of ten.  Be aware when you are sadder than average or for longer than usual.  Know what helps you to cheer yourself up. If it doesn’t work, ask a friend for help, see your doctor, just don’t brush it under the carpet.

I urge you…

Depression is a mental illness.  An illness needs a doctor.  I am not a doctor. If any of this struck a chord with you, please see a doctor as soon as you can.  Mental illness is so common that doctors often diagnose someone daily.  You won’t be laughed at.  

The good news is that depression is treatable.  There is support and there are appropriate medications if necessary.  You don’t have to go through it on your own.

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