Escape to resilience » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

“At night, especially, it is beautiful to believe in the light”
Plato

_{NB: This blog discusses mental heath issues. I am a writer not a medical professional., so If this piece causes any concerns for you, please see a Doctor immediately.} _{This is always the best thing to do.}

Have you ever woken up happy, started your day on the right foot, only to have someone bring you down unfairly? That feeling of positive energy leaching away from you due to no fault of your own is an awful one. It leaves you drained, upset and angry. Feelings like these come along fairly often in life, for all manner of reason, big and small. It is very easy in weaker moments to feel the pointlessness of it and dream of escape.

Whether it is escape from an unsatisfying career, an unfulfilling relationship, tragedy, mental or physical ill health, the dreaded routine or a million other disappointments, is somewhat irrelevant. What is relevant is that instead of resilience, we have chosen escape. We have chosen avoidance over resilience and healing. This is understandable, but concerning.

In my mind, escape takes one of two forms. Escape can be temporary and escape can be permanent. Some, realising that emotions, like life, have patterns, will then engage in something healthy to escape a bad case of negativity. They might exercise, bake, write, meditate or generally fill the void with some positive self care. This, of course, is excellent.

Temporary escape

Others, unfortunately, will indulge in harmful behaviours in an attempt to escape powerful feelings of bitterness or sadness. Excessive drinking, drugs, gambling, over medication, isolation, impulse shopping and overeating are more popular examples. These behaviours, I hardly need to remind everyone, mask our true feelings and replace the sadness with something else. The problem with this approach is that even though it might look like a satisfactory technique on the surface, it generally leaves us with worse problems in the future.

These approaches do offer a near immediate change of mood, it is true. This would account for their popularity, particularly if the ‘bump in the road’ you face is a small one. The consequences, however, of employing these temporary habits of escape are potentially great. Ill health, weight gain, addiction, debt and a long term unmanageable lifestyle come immediately to mind.

Another aspect of temporary escape comes from within the mind. People often withdraw into a dream world of their own making because the real world does not satisfy them. They will go missing emotionally, if not physically, when the people around them need them most. The earphones go in, the device comes out, they retreat to their ‘cave’ and switch off from real life, leaving the problems to fester and grow in their absence.

In my life, I have particularly relied at various times on excessive drinking, dreaming and hiding away from responsibility. It was easier to escape in the short term than it was to face my problems. In the end, I found that all my small acts of escape and avoidance only succeeded in creating bigger problems that I couldn’t avoid.

Permanent escape

We have all heard the stories of children, whose parent disappeared from their life at a young age, because they could not handle the responsibility or fell out of love. In days of yore, the father usually went to sea or took up some adventurous lifestyle far from home. In modern times, people often choose a career away from home, travel constantly or simply move out to avoid conflict.

The problems with this approach are obvious. Firstly, the people left behind become victims, having to live their lives without the escapee and often end up questioning their own value as a result. Secondly, the escapee has to live without the ones that they have left. They have chosen a life, built on the foundations of a manageable sadness, rather than being overwhelmed in the short term and asking for help.

The trouble with trying to escape from your issues permanently in this modern world, is that your issues have a funny way of turning up again. Whether it is because of digital connectedness haunting you or because you cant escape your inner self, the problems tend to remain. Better to face the issues bravely and with support than to run and hide.

Extreme escape

The most obvious and shocking aspect of permanent escape is clearly suicide. Driven to the very edge, some have considered this form of escape as a more acceptable choice than living. This is an utter tragedy. The depressed mind is a liar and sometimes what it says seems highly believable to the sufferer. Thoughts of being valueless, unloved and a problem for everyone are invasive and powerful in an unwell mind.

Firstly, this is never the case and secondly, the people left behind have to carry a burden of grief and regret for the rest of their lives as a result. This form of perceived escape is NEVER the answer. If you are feeling so low, that this seems like an option, stop reading and call the kind and gentle counselors at https://www.lifeline.org.au/ now. Don’t let your mental health struggles steal another minute.

An alternative- The shining light of resilience

Resilience is basically the ability to bounce back well from stress and pain. We each have a store of inner strength that we rely on when times get tough. If dark times are the bacteria, then resilience is the antibiotic. Unfortunately, we don’t all have enough resilience during difficult circumstances. When times get tough and dreams of an unhealthy escape overwhelm us, this is when we need to work on our resilience the most.

Firstly, get good counsel. Work out who in your life can be relied upon to tell you the truth you need to hear and then trust them. This can be a friend or family member, but it can also be a Psychologist. Seeking to improve your thinking skills with the help of a professional is a very healthy action to take.

Secondly, be as flexible in your thinking as you can. Look at other alternatives to the problem, see this as an opportunity to change, focus on the things in your life that you are grateful for, give yourself a break and get help from a Doctor. Your life does not have to stay the way it is at this moment.

Finally, look after yourself. When times are tough and things aren’t working the way they should, often people are more willing to try something different. Implement healthy routines such as changing your diet, try a different exercise such as swimming or jogging, give something up, apply for a new job even if you aren’t sure you’ll take it, go to evening college and try a new hobby. The fact is that being kind to yourself will help to fill the reservoir of resilience you rely on because you will be a step closer to the lifestyle you want.

Wanting to escape the grind is a natural response to stress and pain. If you focus on healthy activities that build resilience, rather than escapist behaviours that only reduce your capacity to cope, then you will be moving towards a life you enjoy, rather than one you endure.