Balance – Mindfulness is the key

Sometimes the voices in our life get too loud, or too numerous. Perhaps both.  Sometimes everything comes in waves that overwhelm us, one after the other, until we struggle to breath.  This becomes even more problematic when we are busy keeping all of life’s ‘balls in the air’ and don’t notice the tension rising.  One of the keys to avoiding breakdowns and stresses in our life, then, is balance.  We need to learn to take time out for ourselves regularly, so that we can quieten our inner voices and organise the priorities in our mind that really matter.

Perception

I have met many people over time that claim to always be busy. Some people genuinely are incredibly busy, it is true.  Generally, however, I have found that most are not usually that hard pressed. In fact, they tend to spend as much time sitting around navel gazing as the rest of us.  The problem with this apparent contradiction in my mind is that these people really believe that they are that busy. In one sense I think they are correct in their perception in that they have busy minds that never switch off. They have fallen for the great modern lie that everything should be measured by its economic benefit and that downtime is a waste. 

Downtime is often considered evil in today’s world.  When we have a day off, we have to hit the Gym because fitness matters.  We have to make sure the house appears like it comes from a furniture brochure and the children all have to be performing well at everything.  When we do have a quiet moment, our minds are taken up with timetables, responsibilities and plans for further improvements.  We might sit still, but our minds are still running a marathon.  The outcome is a perceived busyness.

Priorities

One issue that works directly against finding balance in our lives is our list of priorities.  If you were to write down all of what is most important to you, I suspect that the list would be fairly long and filled with things that are genuinely valuable.  A contented family, a thriving career, good health, education and planning for the future are all aspects of a decent life, it is true. The problem is that each of our key priorities takes up an exorbitant amount of time and energy.

If I take just one of my key priorities as an example, the extent of the problem becomes clearer.  Our children are rightly the centre of our universe.  We make sure they eat well, have a solid education and are healthy.  We encourage friendships, sport, creative pursuits and make sure they see their family. This effort isn’t special…this is normal, and when all this is finally ticked off the list, there isn’t much time left for anything else.  After all, we have to make lunches, pack bags and work out who is taking them to tomorrow’s afternoon activities. This is just one priority of many.  No wonder anxiety is roaming free.

The great lie

For as long as I can remember, we have judged the success of our country primarily by how productive it is.  We do not usually judge it by contentment, quality of life or balance.  The sad thing is that while the economic success of our country is important in reaching these other goals, we never seem to focus on anything but the economic success.  One further aspect that concerns me about this is that we seem to have judged ourselves by this same flawed standard.  We feel guilty when we take time for ourselves.  We look down on people who have less busy lives and we measure success by the badge on a car and the value of a home.

The great lie is very intoxicating and desirable.  We all fall for it at one point or another.  Unfortunately, in order to have it all, we need to be superhuman.  Failing this, we create perfect, white-washed lives on social media so that everyone else believes that we are the ideal family, even when life is really tough.  

The alternative

I am not here to argue that we should all move to tiny homes in the country and grow organic lettuce.  Instead, I want to offer a simple and achievable piece of advice that can help.  My advice is, that if our lives are over-filled with worthwhile priorities, whilst lacking quality time to focus on them, then we need to make what time we do have matter.  This can be achieved through balance and balance can be achieved through mindfulness.

Mindfulness is not anything strange. It does not have a Guru.  It is not something that your buddy will laugh at. Mindfulness is private and personal and can bring great peace.  Mindfulness is purely the ability to be in the present moment, non-judgmentally.  Not regretting the past or fearing the future. In fact, a short period of quality mindfulness can recharge you before you address that endless list of worthwhile priorities again.

You are allowed to look after yourself.  In fact, if you don’t, it is pretty clear that your value crashes in most places when you do.  Looking after yourself is actually the wise and thoughtful thing to do, especially if others rely on you.  We walk, run, eat well and dress ourselves to look our best.  The same needs to be true of our inner lives.

“One reason I practice meditation is to maintain my own balance and clarity of mind in the face of such huge challenges, and to be able to stay more or less on course through all the weather changes that, as a parent, I encounter day in and day out on this journey.” 

Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn, Everyday Blessings

A short time

Put aside a period of 20 minutes each day, purely for yourself.  Find somewhere quiet and safe and get comfortable.  It takes a little time for the routine of mindfulness to gain momentum, so don’t expect a miracle.   It also takes a little time for the noise in your head to quieten down, and this is normal, so don’t be harsh on yourself.  Then just be.  

Close your eyes. Listen to the birds, feel the breeze and breathe slowly with no expectations or priorities. You will have thoughts that sneak in occasionally,  because the mind is powerful. Just let them go as if they were floating away like a leaf on a stream.  Remind yourself that you are not your thoughts.

Mindfulness is not unlike putting an overworked engine into neutral and giving it a chance to cool down.  If you have not tried it, you may be surprised at just how relaxing it can be.  I tend to like to put on meditation music or follow guided meditation by Prof Mark Williams on Youtube.  It keeps me on track, but mindfulness can be used anywhere.

A regular mindfulness routine can be your oasis in the midst of priorities and responsibilities.  If you are overworked, prioritised up the Ying Yang and too busy for words, then maybe researching mindfulness is a step you can’t afford not to take.  It’s just 20 minutes a day.

Links

Mindfulness Meditation Breathing anchor – YouTube

Mindfulness – A safe place » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated