Rules for Happiness

Immanuel Kant, apart from being a witty reference in Monty Python’s Bruce’s Philosophers Song, was also, not unsurprisingly, a German Philosopher.   One of his more famous quotes was ‘Rules for happiness: Someone to love, something to do, something to hope for’.  This notion has been credited to just about everyone from Mr Squiggle to Eric the Eskimo over time, but Mr Kant said it first as far as I can tell.  The reason it is so popular as sayings go, is because it holds a kernel of truth in it for all of us.

You will be relieved to know I am not going to delve any further into the musings and beliefs of ye olde philosophers.  That said, having love, purpose and hope are universal themes.  Mr Kant thought that humans were essentially hard-wired to seek these things.  It is nice then, to rest in this truth if you have these key happiness ingredients sorted out. What happens though,  if you don’t?  Indeed, what if you have had love or purpose and it gets taken away from you?  What then?

The reason that Rom Coms and love songs exist is because we as human beings put a lot of value in love.  We seek connection and camaraderie almost instinctively. Further to this, we like to have a purpose to drive us on, be that fulfilling  basic needs, community, wealth, safety or some even higher ideal.  Hope for a better life then, is key to some level of happiness.

Some good news and some not so good news

Whilst Kant’s rules appear simple enough, actually finding each of these things is not necessarily that easy.  The search for meaning, love and hope make up aspects of just about every decent story ever told and a few poor ones to boot. Finding these key ingredients is the stuff of legend and folklore for the basic reason that they aren’t found on every street corner.  If you believe the literature, you most likely need a noble steed, a little bit of magic and you may or may not also need a broadsword.

Further to this, having realised that there is money in it, our media based society, forms virtually every text around the lie that you need to look perfect, meet Mr or Mrs Perfect and live the perfect life.  This lie is bad news for the plain, average and decent amongst us.  The middle 90 percent so to speak, because life is far from perfect.

The good news is, that if you can adjust your focus away from the lies we are surrounded by, then there is hope for a happier life.  If you can realise that love, purpose and hope exist on a spectrum, rather than a straight line, then through gratitude, we might find we are closer to happiness than we think.  We may find that even if one aspect of our life is out of kilter, the other ones are able to keep it in balance.

Someone to love

When I was a young man, I never committed myself to a long term relationship because I believed that the perfect one would turn up one day.  I was subconsciously waiting for a relationship to complete me.  It wasn’t until a friend of mine said “You know, you are meant to make yourself happy.  That way, when you meet someone, they won’t be responsible for making you happy.  You’ll already be happy. Then you can just enjoy their company without the pressure.”  This advice was just what I needed to hear.  From that point on, all of my significant relationships improved.

The other aspect of ‘someone to love’ that I want to draw your attention to, is that love exists in many forms.  Each of them is potentially highly fulfilling.  There is sacrificial love, as with a parent towards a child.  There is brotherly love towards a friend or relative that we are close to.  The love of a person for their particular community is important.  We love our animals. These are all important aspects of love, and this is before we even begin to consider romantic love.  We weren’t meant to rely on just one relationship.

If you find that you are lacking in intimate love in your life, and that you have struggled to find that special person, then focus on the other aspects of love.  They won’t make up for what you miss, but they will compensate to some degree.  What people will see is an appealing person with a balance of strong and healthy relationships in their life.  You will be taking responsibility for your own happiness and that is attractive.

Something to do

When people retire and sit on the lounge for three years, they often end up unfulfilled and fairly unhealthy, fairly quickly.  This is also true of people at any stage of life.  Inactivity breeds a lack of completeness. My extremely valuable and elderly neighbour says “Don’t retire from life.”  This point simply illustrates that as humans, we are hardwired to be useful.

Some people have highly important jobs that are incredibly fulfilling.  They are very lucky.  When they have finished working, they come home to refill and connect.  Others have less important jobs in the eyes of society, but they find fulfillment as volunteers, sports coaches and in community and church organisations.  Work is simply there to pay the bills.  Still others have a blend of both worlds going on.  Finally, many people’s purpose comes in providing for their family. The great thing about purpose is that the only wrong way to approach it is to not have a purpose.

Something to hope for

It is so important to have something ‘just beyond the horizon’ to look forward to.  Something to drive you through the drudgery and tough times.  Many people plan travels and adventures.  Seeing and understanding the world is their driving force.  Many like to work towards altruistic goals.  Consider missionaries, medical volunteers etc.  We can plan for a family, career advancement, a home, friends…you name it.  The list is long.  The point is that there should be something good ahead.

If you find yourself in a dreaded rut, with forced routine all around you, then plan ahead.  Give yourself an achievable dream to work towards. Give yourself a reward to strive for.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be big and expensive, but it must be valuable to you.

Consider also faith.  Many people with a strong faith indicate that having a purpose and reason enables them to trust God for what is beyond the horizon.  My own Christian faith has helped me to stay relatively calm, when major things went wrong, specifically because of the example of Jesus Christ.  Whilst not wanting to proselytize anyone, it would be remiss of me not to mention this key aspect of my life.  Maybe reconnecting with something greater than yourself will help you too.

Life is tough, but…

It is true that life is tough for most of us some of the time.  Happiness is not a destination that we arrive at. It is not something that can be bought.  It is a state of mind that we work towards all the time.

If you are unhappy with your lot in the world, then consider love, purpose and hope.  If Immanuel Kant is right, there will be something in one of these areas that needs your attention.  Whatever you find, remember that when you examine something important and valuable, it is always best to seek the advice of a trusted friend or even a professional Psychologist.

Links

Monty Python – Bruce’s Philosophers Song (Bruce’s Song) {Official Lyric Video] – YouTube

Balance – Mindfulness is the key » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated