Understanding Mindfulness: A narrative without dialogue

Preface

As the title suggests, this is a narrative about mindfulness.  In it I have tried to creatively reduce the long process of learning meditation and mindfulness down into one post.  The point is to explain about acceptance, being in the moment, focussing on your breath and your senses.  All various issues you learn about along the way. I have written in a different manner to hopefully make the narrative more interesting.

By the way, the reason that there is no dialogue in this narrative is because mindfulness is completely an inner journey, hence the really clever title (cough cough).

Mindfulness: A story

Peace of mind never came easy to him.  Even when he was young, thoughts and worries ran around inside his mind, knocking things off shelves and breaking stuff.  He had assumed as time went on, that this was just the way it was. That everyone felt this way.

As he aged, he learnt to cope.  Fun, drinking and laughter lubricated him through the tight spots.  Prayer and struggle got him by the impasses.  All the while, stress and responsibility grew around him, pressing in despite his efforts.  In hindsight, he probably realised that he’d been a ticking time bomb, but who wants to believe that.

Irony: More than a bit player

Irony plays a large part in most people’s lives and he was no exception. For a gentle man, he had witnessed far too much violence and anger to be fair.  Deep within, he knew he was going to crack one day and ironically, as it turns out, it would be violence that did it.   

Reduced from his career and place of respect by a chain of unprovoked attacks, he found himself distraught, rejected and broken. The leaves, it seems, had turned suddenly brown and the wind blew hard and cold.  To survive, he developed a solitary routine of sleeping, walking and meditation.  That’s when Lockdown happened.

During Lockdown, he sat for long hours near his beloved wife.  He talked deeply with his son and laughed and cared for his daughters.  Despite himself, he began to heal slowly.  His open scars were drying in the breeze provided by his family, but still that peace of mind eluded him.

The end of isolation

He sat alone for the first time in many days.  Warmed by an early breakfast, he listened listlessly to a sad piano and wanted to dream. A gentle breeze moved the leaves outside his window this way and that in the soft light.  A cleverer person may have seen a pattern in the greenery and been comforted, but to him it was simple randomness.  He wanted to dream of better things, but he knew bad things would come.  They always do.

Thinking tenderly of his family, out once again forging a path in their world, made him smile subtly.  As the melancholy piano continued its lonely rhythm, he wondered if they thought of him.  Wondered if they spoke of him with pride or disdain and the smile slipped away as quietly as it had arrived.

He knew when he was like this that he shouldn’t trust his inner voice.  It spoke to him with an authority that he recognised.  He knew the effort to silence it was great and sometimes he just couldn’t.  

During the lockdowns he had grown ironically stronger.  So many had struggled in isolation, needing the outward trappings and social connection, but he was a loner of sorts.  He had his family by his side and that was enough and so he had begun to heal.

Now though, they were gone.  Only temporarily, but they were not there and the silence gathered about him in great clouds.  As the occasional bird song split the morning air, he remembered that he liked a little silence.  He felt the early spring sun begin to warm his uncovered toes and he relaxed into the stillness ever so slightly.

Recognising an opportunity

Sometimes when his head is fuzzy and heavy, it slows the constant thoughts that flow like traffic in his mind.  Recognising the rare opportunity, he made himself comfortable and closed his eyes.  To the outside world, it might simply look like a middle aged man taking a nap, but in truth he was far from sleep.

Now that the piano had finally finished, he noticed that he could hear the breeze swirling politely through the trees.  His friends the King Parrots and Lorikeets could be heard tumbling and rough housing outside.  His undeservingly faithful dog breathed slowly at his feet, as if protecting him from his own negativity.  The soft fabric of the lounge felt warm and soft beneath him. For a short time he just ‘was’ and it felt very nice. 

He sensed the world moving about him, hurrying off to its next appointment, and he let it go.  Realising that he had dreamt of time to simply ‘be’ for all those years, he embraced the gift that had finally arrived.  He accepted too, in that moment, that he still had issues and that they would have to wait.  He let them go in the breeze and focussed instead on breathing slowly.

The breakthrough

As he sat quietly, he noticed feelings of sadness and thoughts of disappointment come, and he let them without judgement.  Then, as if a leaf from the trees outside, he was able to watch them flutter away again on the breeze.  He realised that he was not his thoughts after all and he could choose to challenge them or not even engage with them at all.  His breathing slowed and the expression on his face softened.

Slowly the challenging thoughts came along less and time passed easily.  The space in his mind grew slightly and he breathed calmly as the world turned about him.  The pain of the past was where it should be, out of reach and the future didn’t matter, even if it was for just a moment. For a time, he just was.

Eventually he opened his eyes again and the world flooded back in through the soft openings. This time though, he was calmer and his mind was rested.  He did not know what was ahead, and for now he was okay with that.

Links

Balance – Mindfulness is the key » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

Mindfulness – A safe place » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

Mindfulness and a strained metaphor » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

The Mindful Way through Depression, Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by Mark Williams and John Teasdale | 9781593851286 | Booktopia