You are driving along, minding your own business, when some dropkick swerves towards you and yells something rude as he passes by. On occasions like this, it is easy to let the bad behaviour of someone else upset you and drag you down. Whether it is a stranger or a friend, other people’s meanness and arrogance can easily ruin your day. It takes discipline to remind yourself that their opinion doesn’t matter and to let go of the hurt. For someone with Depression, an incident like this is particularly dangerous, because in their mind it simply reinforces what they believe deep down…that they are useless. When we know the right way to respond to such an event, the invitation to feel miserable instead, is still strong. It takes discipline to step out and try to enjoy life when the ghosts are yelling at you, but it is worth it. It is an opportunity to rise above feeling miserable.
Discipline is often seen as a dirty word. Essentially, it means to endure tough times in order to learn a valuable skill or lesson. It means being willing to face the tough stuff so that we can rise above it. Discipline is a negative term when we are forced to overcome something that we did not plan for or regard highly. In the end, disciplining yourself, whether you value the outcome or not, is hard work. How we approach it, specifically in the mind, then, will decide if it ends up being valuable or not.
The problem with thinking errors
The problem for people who struggle with depression or low self esteem is that because of the dominance of faulty thinking strategies, small issues can turn septic very quickly. One unjust comment or incident plays right into the hands of global thinking, rumination and catstrophising. Because we each cope with these faults differently, our initial thinking error can lead quickly to behavioural mistakes, substance abuse or unhealthy isolation. It is easier to hide away in the dark than deal with reality.
Discipline- Our tough friend
When we are tempted to embrace feeling miserable and accept the long slide back into relapse, is precisely the moment that our mind tells us to stop trying. It is at exactly this moment that we need to be more disciplined in order to overcome that urge to stop. This is not easy. It is not unlike running up huge sandhills. You push yourself to the point of exhaustion and just when you are about to collapse, you coach orders double time.
Despite the fact that your brain is screaming at you to hide away, despite the genuine belief you have that everything is about to blow up, you need to keep going. There are some rational Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) strategies that can help at times like these. I will include a link at the bottom. Following CBT rational thinking exercises has helped me many times and given solid structure to my musings. Simply put, not listening to your negative self and keeping at it, is like jumping into a freezing river. Even though you know it will shock you, you have to summon up the courage and jump in anyway because it will help in the end.
The discipline of Trust
The key ingredient for being able to disobey your faulty brain when times are tough is trust. You need to educate yourself to know what the best course of action is and this involves other people. It is imperative to trust your Psychologist, you need to trust your partner or friends and you need to trust the plan you develop. You will be able to jump in if you know it is the right thing to do.
My Psychologist, for instance, told me that sleeping too long during the middle of the day as an avoidance technique, was dangerous. It would throw out my rhythms and would end up keeping me awake late at night when ruminating was most destructive. Despite the fact that I was scared and exhausted, I made the choice to trust him and do what he said.
The discipline of knowing yourself
There are many amongst us, who go through life without over thinking anything. These people react to what happens around them and cannot predict what will upset them, let alone control it. This is not a great way to live, because the older we get, the more we realise that a little planning and self knowledge saves a lot of time and pain.
It is just as important to learn from mistakes, incidents and difficult times in life as it is to know what you enjoy. Knowing your triggers and sore points means you are more likely to avoid them in the first place. It also means that when something inevitably does go wrong, you will know how it is going to affect you and what you can do to beat it.
The discipline of knowing what works
If I am down about something, I can often write myself out of a funk. It may not be anything I’d want someone else to read, but it gets my creative juices flowing. Learning to capture and overcome my feelings by writing was a discipline I taught myself over years. Why Writing? Simply because it is what I like to do. For you it may be painting, music, exercise, doing up an old car or simply reading a novel. The list is endless, from the simple to the complex.
There is something about an activity that you enjoy that gets you into the ‘flow’. That place, where time passes and you think of nothing else but what you are doing. It is a type of mindfulness and like anything that gets you in the flow, it takes a little discipline.
The key word
Discipline is the key word here, because essentially our depressed brain wants to do the wrong thing. It wants to wallow in sadness and try to think its problems away. It is hard to change the habit of a lifetime, especially one so subtle and connected to our innermost being. This is why discipline is so important. If you want to run a marathon, you commit to the discipline of regular training. It is hard, but you want it. The same is true of negative habits. It takes discipline to overcome them.
Committing to a discipline in order to grow takes determination. Negative experiences will and do happen in our lives. When they do, we can stay stuck in our sadness, or we can teach our brains the skill of getting up and striving to overcome through knowledge, trust and determination. It is hard, but that is what any discipline is.
Related links
Dealing with life changing events » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated
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