If there is one thing that any significant event covered in the media shows, it is that we can be a judgemental lot. You might go as far as to say we can’t help it. I am particularly good at snap judgments. I can tell if someone is a goose just by the way they drive their car near me. Last year’s Australian of the Year, Grace Tame, despite her Autism, was called all sorts of names because she refused to smile at the Prime MInister. The problem with being too judgemental in everyday situations, is that essentially you are lacking empathy. You see, everyone has a backstory. Everyone has reasons for responding under pressure the way they do, reasons we may never be privy to. This is why it is important to switch off from the desire for popularity and onto the reality of being true to yourself.
Nothing surer…
You will be judged by others. There is nothing surer. Even if you don’t put yourself out there intentionally for criticism, people still judge everything you say, from your motives, through your actions and on to your results. How you dress even garners judgement in some cases. Whilst judgement is an inevitability, accepting judgement from others isn’t. People struggle with judgement because it is personal and it hurts.
Social media is a classic example of this. We air brush our lives and present our best selves online because we want people to approve. If our post doesn’t get many likes, or heaven forbid, someone disagrees with it, we are crushed. The issue here is that we are not meant to have our whole lives judged by vague acquaintances and friends of friends.
In essence, judgement is a good thing
The reason we are so quick to judge others, especially in a stressful situation, goes right back to our very foundation. The ancient fight or flight reflex within each of us requires fast decision making about a given situation. If for instance, Ug the Caveman didn’t decide what action to take quickly, he might get trampled by a Woolly Mammoth. The problem here is that our present lives, whilst dangerous, do not usually have the daily threats to existence that they once did and yet we still have this amazing ability for judgement.
Don’t get me wrong, knowing instinctively if someone new is a potential threat, or realising that a developing situation is dangerous is a useful skill to have. The problem comes when we find ourselves holding everyone around us up to an impossible standard and then judging them for their failure. It occurs when we judge people by unimportant issues like the way they wear their hair or whether they are rich or poor.
If you don’t like being judged harshly,learn to like yourself…
The key to handling the judgement of others is twofold. Firstly, you need to know who you are striving to be and to like that person. Someone who is motivated first by a clear set of values, is someone who is content with themselves. Knowing these things is an active process, they don’t just turn up in the night by osmosis. You need to evaluate your life, seek values out and remember them so that what you stand for is clear. In this way, whether people approve of you is less important than whether you are living by your values.
It is better to heed the rebuke of a wise person than to listen to the song of fools.
Ecclesiastes 7:5
Secondly, you need to know whose judgement is really important. Results of elections around the world in the last decade are a great example. Being the most popular choice does not mean you are the best choice. You are much better to listen to the advice and judgement of the few who really know you. Listen to the few willing to commit their time to you, rather than the thousands that don’t really care.
Popularity is no sign of success
When we open ourselves to the opinions and judgements of the wider world, we are gambling with an unpredictable beast. As the old saying goes, ‘Yesterday’s headline is tomorrow’s garbage’. Added to this, we are saying that our value is decided by others and not by the people who matter. Our peace of mind will wax and wane with the number of likes and dislikes we receive each day.
When I was younger, I was forever hamstrung by the fear that something I said or did had upset someone. I tried to be likeable to everyone I met and felt awful when I failed. The trouble with that approach was that not everyone did like me or agree with my opinion. I was not overly offensive, I just didn’t understand that no one is liked by everyone. I hadn’t learned that you don’t have to impress everybody all the time. If, for example, a Politician wins 55% of the vote, they call it a landslide.
The way through…
It is much healthier to spend time considering what really matters to you than seeking wide approval, be it digital or otherwise. It is much better to focus on the opinion of people who know you and care about what you stand for. By doing this, you will stop feeding the invasive weed that is popularity and start producing fruit for those that matter.
Two facts remain. The first is that no one likes being judged. The second is that no matter how hard we try, we will be judged, sometimes harshly, by others. When we choose to judge ourselves by our adherence to our values, by what really matters, we subtly begin to take the power away from those facts. The result is that not only will you be less likely to be hurt by every judgement that comes your way, you will be less judgemental of others too.
Reflective receipt of criticism is wise as not all criticism is true. Better to take in wise words from wise people. And if the the person criticising shows grace & understanding they may become wise words.
Wise words, Roscoe.
In an era of social media, we sometimes tend to forget that our “Freedom of speech” might be hurtful to others. and it’s a really thin line between giving your opinion and being judgmental. Maybe if we can choose our words wisely and be understanding of feelings that others have, we can convey our thoughts and message more proficiently and that way we can efficiently get our point across without being judgmental and hurtful
Thankyou so much for your wise words. I really believe that kindness has to be the guiding principle in all our interactions.