I believe…

I’ll tell you what I believe…. I believe that you need to know what you stand for.  I believe that you need to know where the boundaries of what you are willing to accept lay.  It is clear that you have to know which aspects of your life are negotiable and which are not negotiable.  I believe that you need to have a backstop, an absolute foundation for knowing what you will and won’t do and that this foundation needs to be second nature.  In the end,even if you don’t fully know who you are, knowing what you stand for will give you a safety net when you are in free fall and a light when you are in the dark.  Knowing what you stand for is the surest way to find out who you are, or at least who you want to be.

In built guidance systems

When I was a little fella, I had a strong sense of what I believed was right and what was wrong.  My mates had similar value systems too, so it was easy to do the right thing with the support of my pack.  As time passed and innocence was inevitably lost, it became far more difficult to know what the right thing to do was in any confusing situation.  Thankfully as you make your way in life, through adulthood and into maturity, your understanding of what you will and won’t accept solidifies.  

As it turns out, the beliefs I had when I was small, were not far from the truth, at least for me.  We have a guidance system within us that is programmed by culture, parental influence, faith, education and societal expectations.  Early on, the pathways to right and wrong are clear and straight.  It’s not until we mature that we learn about shades of right and wrong, degrees of honesty, the pain of tragedy and selfish motivations.  Other aspects of life that invade our minds like a fog. It is when this fog descends, that we need to know what we believe and what our values are. They will guide us to clear air. The following piece by Robert Fulghum touches on this point wonderfully.

All I need to know I learned in Kindergarten

by Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the university mountain, but there in the sandpit.

These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Live a balanced life. Learn awhile and think awhile, and draw and sing and dance and play and work awhile every day.

Take a nap in the afternoon. When you go out in the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup. The roots go down and the plant goes up, and nobody really knows why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup – they all die. So do we.

And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: look.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The golden rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.

Think of what a better world it would be if we all had bickies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations always to put things back where they found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Values

My son plays on a fantastic soccer team.  The boys train hard and play fair.  Unfortunately for them,  they haven’t won too many games. Still, they play with respect, determination and courage, often against older and bigger opponents.  The value that they each of them display here is sportsmanship and fairness.  Each weekend is a great opportunity to remind the boys that the final score is not overly relevant in the scheme of things.  That they leave the field with their heads held high and the respect of the other team.  Being proud of holding up your principles takes a little pain away from losing, especially if the other team are less than gracious winners.

Having a clear understanding of your key values is an accurate guide in strange and unsafe waters.  If, for example,  a career opportunity requires you to be a little less than honest in your dealings and you know that honesty and fairness are strong values of yours, then either don’t take the promotion or let the employer know what you will and won’t do.  If exploring and understanding other cultures is high on your list and your life is currently humdrum, then find a way to embrace travel.  When family is a priority and you find yourself working too much, then change it.  As someone once said, ‘noone on their deathbed ever said they wish they’d spent more time at the office. These examples, though rather simplified and somewhat black and white, illustrate the point that values are sign markers to a better life.

The link below leads to an excersise that helps you to identify your values. It is worth a try.

Live Your Core Values: 10-Minute Exercise to Increase Your Success – TapRooT® Root Cause Analysis

Faith

The thing about faith is that it is the strongest of foundations.  Faith gives the true believer certainty about life and the afterlife, a guidance book on how to live and a reason for their struggles. Through my own faith in Jesus Christ for example, I am sure that whilst I do suffer, I know that God promises to bring good out of it.  I know that he is a God of selfless love, forgiveness and hope.  All values that I hold strongly to.

When things are unclear, I open up the Bible and seek His guidance.  It is comforting to know that the answer is in there and that in His good time, it will come to me.  There have been times in my experience with PTSD and Depression that the love and compassion of Jesus seemed to be the only light shining in my darkness.  I still had the love and support of my family and close friends, but faith gave me the bigger picture. Faith enabled me to see beyond my struggles and to a better place.  If you have let your own faith slide, now may just be the time to start praying again.

It is never too late

It is never too late to find out what really drives you.  Even if we feel that we have a pretty good handle on ourselves, our values grow and mature with us.  Revisiting all the aspects of life that inspire you can be just what the Doctor ordered.  It can also help to highlight those aspects of your life that aren’t working or up to scratch.  Putting effort into the important things is essential, because when the burning flame of change, pain and distress inevitably rage through, often they are all you have left to hold on to. 

BTW…

The one true resolution » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated