Challenging fear

“People’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two!  That means that at a funeral, most people would rather be in the casket, than giving the eulogy.”

Jerry Seinfeld

Fear is funny.  Everyone feels fear.  There are a few twits out there, who will claim to not feel fear, but they would be lying.  That said, there are a rare number, who for whatever reason, have learnt to vanquish fear in certain situations.  What one person sees as an exciting opportunity to expand their skill set and overcome a difficulty, another will see as a distress inducing, anxiety riddled impossibility.  In my mind, the key to challenging fear is in knowing which aspects of it are worth the effort and which aspects are best left alone.

Some fears come with opportunities

Fears are many, and often seen as a negative thing because they are associated with risk and avoiding danger.  This, however, is not the full story.  You can in fact learn and grow from dealing with fear. I, like most people, had a fear of spiders growing up.  Actually, because I had a fear of spiders, I learnt to have a healthy respect for them as an adult.  Whilst I will not charge right up to the hairy buggers and try to shake one of their many hands, I can still remain calm enough to deal with them humanely. 

Most people have a distinct fear of public speaking.  For whatever reason, be it embarrassment, low self esteem or just a vehement dislike of attention, many avoid it like the plague.  I began life just like the majority of people, being sure to disappear whenever the opportunity to front a crowd was offered.  At some point though, I was trapped and had to step up to the microphone.  Despite my nerves, I found that not only was I able to control myself, but I was actually alright at it.  Over time, because I chose to face this fear, I have had many wonderful, life affirming opportunities.  I have been the Master of Ceremonies at many weddings of friends and family. I have delivered speeches as Best Man, spoken in churches and even delivered a eulogy or two.  All difficult to do, but all worth the effort.

Some fears are justified

That said, there are some aspects of life that scare me so much, that no amount of effort would embolden me.  I have abseiled 100 metre cliffs and easily swung on a giant swing over an ice cold canyon because the risk factor was clearly mitigated by the safety protocols.  What I cannot do though, is free solo mountain climb.  The thought of it freezes me to the spot.

I learnt about free solo climbing by watching a documentary about an amazing guy named Alex Honnold.  Free soloing is climbing without ropes or safety equipment. Alex Honnold is famous for free soloing a bottom clenching mountain face known as El Capitan. With this background, he has not unsurprisingly, become a great example for the notion of controlling fear.

The interesting thing about Alex Honnold, is not that he denies fear on a cliff face, but that he has learnt to control it through preparation, visualisation and gut busting training.  The challenge is worth it for him, and so he trains until he feels confident.  Still, when I see him thousands of feet in the air, on a near impossible overhang, I cannot even imagine being there.  Alex Honnold is clearly a one in a million talent, it is true. Even if by some bizarre twist, I was as good a climber as him, I still could not do what he does.  Alex has something ‘extra’ that he has developed over time.

What I am not saying

I literally cannot stand whenever someone says ‘You can do anything if you put your mind to it’.  The reason I hate this homespun pop psychology is because it is simply not true.  I am not saying that you can free solo El Capitan with perseverance and training, because in virtually every case bar one or two, that is empirically not true.  I am not talking about ability in a specific area or drive, or tenacity or ‘stickability’. For every gold medal won at the Olympics, there are thousands of shattered athletes who fall short of their goal.

What I am saying

What I am saying is that if there is something really important in your life that you want to overcome a fear of, then you can face it with perseverance.  I am saying that whilst Alex Honnold’s climbing skills may be physically out of reach for most of us, his mindset about facing something worthwhile that scares you, isn’t.

I used to get really, really afraid and upset at the beginning of a semester at University, because every subject coordinator would hand out a booklet, chock a block full of assessments on the same day.  It was quite overwhelming to the uninitiated.  What I quickly realised was that procrastinating over the fear of getting all my assessments done on time, was far worse than actually doing them.  

Instead of letting fear freeze my feet to the spot, I would spend the first week photocopying the readings, borrowing the texts and planning out the term (pre-internet). Whilst going for a coffee with the other students would have been nice, I chose instead to face my fears and overcame them.  The added benefit was that I no longer had to worry about accessing the information from the library 24 hours before the due date.  Getting organised and starting my work early meant no end of semester rush because my assignments were complete.

Flooding- Facing your fears

What I didn’t realise that I was doing, that I do now, is that I was exposing myself to my fear in manageable chunks. The psychological term for this is flooding.  Acting on my fear was far more productive and palatable than letting it dictate the terms for an entire semester.  It also helped that I considered what I was attempting to be highly valuable and worth the effort.

‘Flooding’ is the graduated exposure to a fear in order to gain mastery over it through desensitisation.  Flooding is a therapy employed by trained Psychologists to help people overcome all manner of phobias.  Take fear of flying as an example.  Someone with a determination to overcome a fear of flying might do a related course with an airline, where they sit in a plane on the tarmac, watch planes take off and land and learn about the safety statistics before they even attempt a short flight.  Regular exposure to the specific fear can help to reduce it.

Application

Flooding as a technique for more debilitating fears and serious phobias is best left to the management of a professional.  After all, if you expose someone to their fear and something goes wrong, then things could get decidedly worse. 

For more common, everyday fears, flooding them can be a positive step forward.  If, for instance, you have a strong dislike of crowds that is holding you back, then start by visiting a place several times when it is empty first.  Surround yourself with people you trust and list the benefits of going to an event where there is going to be a crowd.  Not only will you reduce the fear of the unknown, but at the very least you will feel better about yourself for taking steps to overcome it.

Fear is a natural and healthy aspect of being human.  It teaches us to avoid things that are unhealthy or dangerous.  Fear can help us to build up the courage to take a necessary risk. The problem occurs when fear stops us from attempting things that will potentially improve our lives.  By being open to challenge, seeking support, dedicating yourself and facing fear in manageable chunks, you can gain greater control.

Links

Fear- An introduction » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

How I climbed a 3,000-foot vertical cliff — without ropes | Alex Honnold – YouTube