Christmas

Why is it that Christmas always leaves me feeling disappointed?  Why is it that despite all the niceties and reunions going on around me, I feel alone, fearful and a little bit too sad for words?  It seems strange that for a man of faith, Christmas is a time to be endured rather than celebrated.  I know that It is not about what the day stands for or the offensive commercialisation of this most sacred of days that annoys me.  It is not the people, or a particular person either.

I think instead, that the contrast between how Christmas should be and how it really is, shocks my system the most.  Christmas genuinely is a time of joy and giving, but Christmas is also a time when we remember what and who we have lost. When we face just how far we have fallen short. As everyone stops and routine can not be relied upon for a week, we almost have to take a look inward.

Christmas is extraordinary

Whether you have faith or not, the theory behind what Christmas stands for is an extraordinary thing.  The moment when God intervened in humanity personally to give us hope is a very high ideal.  The contrast then between the extraordinary nature of Christmas and what it offers and the imperfect routine of our everyday lives can sting a little.

When we meet together, only to discover that some are still just as critical as they’ve always been, while others are just as selfish as ever, we can feel hurt.  When we realise that most people, including ourselves, don’t change permanently on Christmas Day, we can be disappointed.  The fact that all of our stresses and problems don’t go away either, is frustrating.

You can’t help a brief look back

If I turn my eyes inward, I can still recall the Christmases of my childhood.  It’s not that they were so special back then, or that I have rose coloured glasses on.  I don’t feel tempted to glorify the past.  What it is, I think, is the reminder of how much has changed.  I think of family and friends no longer here, I think of marriages that didn’t last and I think of a time when I had hope. When I was innocent enough to believe my dreams.  

Like most adults, I fill my day with trying to create wonderful memories for my children.  Seeing joy in their eyes is motivation enough to hold it all in.  Still, after the more exciting moments of the day, a certain melancholy inevitably sweeps over me.  It takes a great amount of effort to not embrace the wave of sadness that swirls about me. No, you can’t help but look back, but don’t do so for too long.

People that knew us as children have power

Added to this, we often spend Christmas with people who knew us when we were young and foolish.  We can’t eat one piece of ham or turkey, without somebody treating us like a child or reminding everyone of when we stuffed up.  Whilst it is true that some people are just mean, most I think, just can’t help it.  They see you as the same person you’ve always been and forget that you grow and mature.  Meeting with people who have this power can be draining, perhaps that’s why we do it so irregularly.

Gotta love a volunteer

That’s partly why I admire volunteers at Christmas.  These are people that give up their own day, to try to make someone else’s life better.  They realise that if they feel a little sad on Christmas Day, then it must be much harder for the homeless who have lost everything, or the elderly who find themselves alone.  Thinking about others first, stops you from thinking about yourself too much.

Perhaps that is also why some of my strongest memories of Christmas revolve around images of mothers and grandmothers eternally busy in the kitchen.  Why would countless women brave the heat of my country to cook a turkey dinner on one of the hottest days of the year, if it weren’t for the fact that it made others feel good?  

I guess what I am getting at is that we can either have a growth mindset at Christmas, or a fixed one.  We can either focus on all the negatives, the losses and the sadness, or we can use those things to motivate us to make other people’s lives better. Perhaps by not expecting anything but an opportunity to make someone else smile on Christmas Day, we leave ourselves open to unexpected blessings and simple joy.

Links

Gratefulness at Christmas » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

Wesley Impact with Stu Cameron: Every life matters / Radical, hospitable love – YouTube