Depression – the pros and cons

_{NB: This blog discusses mental heath issues. I am a writer not a medical professional, so If this piece causes any concerns for you, please see a Doctor immediately. This is always the best thing to do.}

To say that you are going to weigh the pros and cons of Major Depression sounds like a joke without a punchline. There are in fact very few benefits to Depression.  The pro side of the ledger is about as short as you’d expect.  Very occasionally, though, when you go through something uniquely difficult, there are lessons to be learnt and benefits to be gained that could not be achieved in any other way.  I am not saying that it is all worth the pain.  What I am saying is that Depression is a unique learning experience.  It can be an experience where your character is refined like gold through fire.  Others may not notice the change, but you will and that’s the key.

Overcoming difficulty

There is something unique to humans (and maybe Goats) that looks at a mountain range and thinks ‘That’s a bloody big hill. I’d really like to conquer that one day.’  We seem to put ourselves through all manner of great difficulty for the triumphant pay off at the end.  Some would say it is worth it.  Others not so much, because their challenges are different. Still, the key point is that everyone has goals and dreams that they set themselves in life.  

What about the difficulties and challenges that life chooses to bring our way?  Things that we have little or no control over, like mental and physical illness, extreme poverty and abuse.  Each of us has subjective challenges that we have to overcome in order to function well.  I have known people, whose suffering and pain have been extreme, and yet they have still triumphed.  No one other than their circle of friends and family know much about it, yet their victory is just as significant as that of a mountain climber.

You are tougher than you thought

When you overcome depression, even in the short term, you have done something amazing.  You have remained functional, despite the pain within your head. Whether you have stayed a valuable member of your community throughout, or needed medical intervention to function, the truth is that you have overcome.  Nobody knows this more than your fellow sufferers.  Celebrate the victories then.  Even the small and temporary ones because you have overcome something.  You have faced your demons and survived.  Celebrate that you are tougher than you thought.

Less afraid

For much of my life, I was afraid I would let everyone down. I struggled with criticism and I worried about what people thought of me.  ‘Keeping all the balls in the air’ was a huge effort of will that often left me drained and self critical.  While you are in the midst of it all, with your muscles tense, you don’t even consider putting it all down and walking away.  Whilst I would never choose to go through the events that left me with Major Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) again, they did bring one benefit.  They left me with no choice but to stop. 

It was of great benefit for me to face my issues, because I normally wouldn’t have chosen to do so in a month of Sundays.  This experience was difficult, heartbreaking, painful and … in hindsight…refreshing. You see, the worst had already happened, which meant I wasn’t worried about my reputation anymore. I discovered I was less afraid of speaking my mind, doing what I felt was right, fixing what was broken and tossing out what wasn’t working.  In short, I was less afraid of living ‘my life’ and I wouldn’t have learnt this any other way.

Questioning everything/ prioritising

Having your mental health fall apart offers a unique opportunity to examine your life honestly.  A Pastor I know used to use the phrase ‘doing business’ with yourself and God.   Facing great difficulties gives you the will to be completely honest with yourself, because you already feel terrible.  Being truthful is a pleasant alternative to the struggles you have been in.  

Such a mindset makes it easier to focus on what is truly important and to not sweat the small stuff so much.  Just about everything feels like a burden, so the decision to choose to do what matters first becomes easier than it once was.  One word of warning, though, if you are contemplating situations that affect others, like partners, children, family and friends, then get advice.  Don’t make major life choices in the midst of depression.  Rather get professional help to guide you. 

Appreciating the truly beautiful things

Initially, after suffering greatly with mental ill-health, I found I had little patience for injustice, arrogance and privilege. I felt that the world was inherently unfair, and so those people who were more obvious about it, deserved criticism.  As I came to accept my situation, though, I found that this tendency had flipped. Instead of being critical, I found I was much more open to the truly beautiful and kind things in the world than I had ever been before.

Even though I didn’t see kindness, generosity and gentleness any more than before, I did learn to appreciate it all the more when I did see it.  I learnt to respect those people who had remained open and community minded, despite a lifetime of tough experiences.  Because of mindfulness, I welcomed birdsong, gentle breezes and rare silences as blessings.  Because of my own mental suffering, I became much more appreciative of those who would seek to help me. I embraced the small acts of love that were directed my way gratefully.

Pros and cons

Depression is not a blessing. It is difficult, soul destroying and isolating.  You would never choose it. If, however, you learn from it, it can be the catalyst for positive change in your life.  You can learn to be honest with yourself, appreciate loved ones more, speak up against injustice and be less afraid of change.  I realise that the pros list is very short, but focussing on the lessons you’ve learned is a helpful place to start healing.

Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,

You and I shall laugh together with the storm,

And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,

And we shall stand in the sun with a will,

And we shall be dangerous.

From Defeat my defeat by Khalil Gibran (listen to the whole poem…seriously)

Related links

Lets be honest…about depression » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

Defeat – Kahlil Gibran (A Life Changing Poem for Dark Times) – YouTube