Exhaustion is the price you pay

Appearance is everything in this digital world.  Truth is not so important.   The fact is that many people with mental illness, and quite a few with a borderline diagnosis, are exhausted from simply trying to appear ‘normal’.   It would not surprise anyone that a person struggling with Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD, Anxiety or one of many other cerebral problems, is exhausted from the effort of simply trying to stay on kilter.  It may, though, surprise many that even those whose illness is not currently active, are still exhausted at the effort of avoiding pain.  Mental and physical exhaustion is the price you pay for functioning well.

The reason that depression is so tiring is clear.  Trying to appear ‘with it’ isn’t easy.  The hypervigilance and sensory overload that comes with PTSD and Anxiety takes all the joy out of being in public.  The need to appear one hundred percent at work and in relationships takes focus and management, especially if Depression is telling you that you can’t do it.  Imagine if, like many, you have multiple diagnoses.  The effort it takes to function is astounding.  When you meet someone who is smiling through their depression, understand that it is taking a huge amount of effort and concentration.

Masking

Masking is the term used to describe someone who covers their natural emotions in a given situation to fit in.  Often, people will either try to be dominant or conversely, use humour to deflect scrutiny.  We have all been shocked in our lives to find out that the friendliest person in the room was struggling with serious issues underneath it all.  People who wear a mask to fit in are very good at it.  This may seem effortless on the outside, but it is in fact very draining. 

Another aspect of masking to consider, is that it makes identifying someone with a mental illness extremely difficult.  If a person is so good at masking that they even convince themselves most of the time, then it won’t always be easy to spot in others.  Being open about your struggles with the right people is almost always the healthiest option to take, but it does not always feel that way. An unusually high level of exhaustion at the end of the day is something to look out for in yourself and others.  Don’t be afraid to ask a friend or loved one if they are okay and know how to respond if they say they are not. 

A conversation could change a life | R U OK?

Hypervigilance

When I was diagnosed with PTSD, suddenly everything made sense.  Knowing about it didn’t make it any easier, though.  Having spent several decades in a career that required hypervigilant care of potentially vulnerable people, my senses were already heightened to some degree.  Following a number of violent incidents, this intensity of alertness only increased. In fact, I couldn’t switch it off.

I found that I could not stop the overwhelming thought that a significant threat lurked around every corner.  I couldn’t stand people walking up behind me, I hated crowds, refused to go into shopping centres and I avoided any form of confrontation.  Any sudden or loud noise, no matter how innocuous, would cause me to switch immediately into ‘fight or flight’ mode.  I could easily become aggressive when confronted. Going out of the front door became exhausting, so I stayed inside.

Eventually, through medication and following the orders of my Psychiatrist and my wife, I was able to begin to reclaim my life back.  Initially I shopped at night when the crowds were lower.  I would follow friends into school to pick up the children and I would have a brief coffee one on one with dear friends, before retreating to recover. I can go out now without too much planning, but the threat is always there.  If something goes wrong, it takes days to recover.  Even a great day out requires down time afterwards.  It isn’t easy.

Depression is tiring

The reason that Depression is so tiring, is because it feels so much like grief.  Many sufferers of Major Depression compare it to a bout of severe grief that wont switch off.  Both grief and depression have overwhelming sadness at their core.  They have negative emotions, uncontrolled thoughts and a sense of tragedy about them.

If you have been unlucky enough to lose someone close, you will know just how exhausting strong emotions are.  Whilst necessary at the time, they are part of the natural process of coming to terms with loss.  People have said to me at these times that they just want to ‘feel normal again’. We all realise how exhausting it is, so we go back to work quickly because routine takes our mind off it, at least for a short while.  Depression is just like that, only it does not switch off.

Being clinically depressed is exhausting.  Just dealing with all the rumination and castrophising takes great effort of will.  This is why many people with depression choose to sleep as much as they can.  It is the only time they are not exhausted.  The trouble with this approach then, becomes obvious.  If your sleep routine is all out of whack, you don’t sleep at the normal times. Your lifestyle and work suffers as a result and you end up looking for answers in the wrong places.

To those who are exhausted…A tip or two

If any of this has resonated, my heart goes out to you.  Dealing with Mental Health and exhaustion is really tough.  Please take it from someone who experiences these things too,  you need to look after yourself!  You need to get good people around you, you need to develop a daily plan for health and you need to follow it regardless.

Firstly, stuffing about with sleep patterns is dangerous.  You don’t want to be awake half the night, especially if you have a responsible job.  Trying to stay as regular as possible is best.  It may mean turning off devices and meditating before bed in order to sleep.  That said, sometimes only a day nap will do.  If this is the case, keep it short and set an alarm.

Secondly, exercise creates endorphins and allows you to do something good for yourself.  Exercise allows you to free your mind from the issues that lurk about you and just be in the flow.  I often called my long walks ‘self medication’ because I inevitably came back more able to face the day.  These days, my wife and I love to walk and chat.  It is a precious time.

Thirdly, exercise is not the only way to increase endorphins.  Studies show that meditation and mindfulness increase the ‘feel good’ hormones after as little as 20 minutes.  Mindfulness is one genuinely real way that you can learn to switch your brain off from all that bombards it.  It is extremely restful.

Fourthly, you need to give yourself something to look forward to.  You need to find some joy in your life, even if it feels like you are going through the motions. It could be as simple as a vanilla slice on a Monday, or as complex as an overseas holiday.  Whatever you enjoy, plan ahead and include your good buddies so that you can’t pull out.

and finally…

Finally and most importantly, be honest with the people you trust.  Once I gave up the premise that I had it all together and admitted that I was broken and exhausted, I began to heal.  The ones that really loved me, surrounded me with love and support from the moment they found out.  Being honest helped in two clear ways.  All of a sudden, I didn’t have to do it all on my own anymore.  I had a team helping me. Added to this, all that effort I put into appearing with it, could now be channeled into healing what was broken and changing the bits that were no longer working.

Links

Balance – Mindfulness is the key » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

Recovery – Everyone needs a plan » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated %

Even on a good day- Walking The Black Dog » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated % %

Five ways to be kinder to yourself » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated