Frozen to the spot: Fear and anxiety

Somewhere along the journey you have it all together and you feel it.  The balls are in the air, your mask is on and you are performing for the crowd.  Then something bad happens and either one by one, the balls hit the deck and you find yourself unmasked and broken.  Once you have accepted that change or distress has occurred in your life, the question isn’t so much about what went wrong, rather what you’re going to do about it. You wonder how you got all those balls in the air in the first place and how the hell you are going to do it again?  All of a sudden you doubt yourself. At times like these we often find ourselves frozen to the spot in fear. Too scared to go forward, too hurt to go back and inevitably ineffective in the present.  What do you do?

Persistence of identity

When something significant changes against your will, there is usually a big chunk of your identity that is affected as well.  Whether it is related to family, relationships, career, health or future plans, your identity is intrinsically wrapped up in it.   If some key aspect of your life cracks, breaks or fails, it is inevitable that most of us will question what it says about us to some degree.  

The mistake at times of forced self contemplation like this is to measure yourself poorly against outward signs of success or perceived life goals, because you will always end up feeling worse.  The key is to be determined, whatever the circumstances, to live according to your values.   Your values are the beacons that will beckon you on.  They will tell you that despite the difficulties that came your way, you remained true to yourself.

Learn to recognise when to tell yourself to shut up

One of the most hurtful things that can cause inaction during difficult times is negative self talk.  After all, who knows you better than you know yourself?  You know exactly what to say to hurt yourself better than anyone else does. So often we let our own inner voice chatter on unedited.  This is why the first step to unfreezing from the spot is to learn to recognise the lies, fears, easy mistruths and unfair blame we lay at our own feet.  Think about it… if someone else criticised us the way we criticise ourselves, we’d have nothing to do with them.

Recognising your own negative excuses, fears and lies is the first step to changing them.  This process isn’t easy.  In fact it is quite difficult, which is why it is important to enlist the aid of a trusted friend, or better still a trained counsellor. They can often see what we can’t.  My own Psychologist regularly pulls me up for self blame, negative thinking and dirty distress because the habit is so ingrained in me that I don’t even notice it at times.  

Replace negative talk with self praise and gratitude

When that negative self-talk speaks up, telling you that you can’t do something or that it is your fault, remind yourself of your core values.  Remind yourself that you are being brave, kind, open-hearted or whatever is relevant to the circumstance.  Remembering that you are facing a particularly difficult situation specifically because you are determined to be loving, generous, hard-working, loyal or any number of other values, can take some of the strength out of the fear we feel in tough times.

Being explicit about what we are grateful for might be a no-brainer, but it is important.  Remembering that our lives are filled with both small and large blessings can give us the motivation we need to keep trying.  Being grateful for what we have reminds us that we have succeeded in the past. That we have loved and been loved or that we achieved great things under pressure before.  Gratitude isn’t just’ feel good’ fuel, sometimes it is the jump start we need to get moving again. Research backs it up.

Be kind to yourself

Part of the key to challenging fear and getting moving again is to re-learn to like yourself.  Resist the urge to punish yourself, instead, give yourself a treat, look after your health, do something you enjoy and embrace the good company of friends.  By doing these types of things, you are telling yourself that you are worthwhile.  You are giving yourself and others the message that you are important. That you are not abandoning life for isolation and depression.

It  feels logical to hide away after pain, to listen to negativity and fear and to give up.  Depression, whether it is situational or clinical, is a master at convincing you that you should stay in the dark. The urge to hide away at these times is strong.  It takes courage to act against your inner voice.  Forcing yourself into the bright of day and re-engaging with life is the best and most compassionate way you can move forward once again. If you can’t do it on your own, be brave and ask for help.

Related stuff

That inner voice » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

The building blocks of fear » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

How to Calm the Voice Inside | Eckhart Tolle Teachings – YouTube