We all like to remember the good times. We like to mark the anniversary of significant occasions with a little celebration here and there. It’s nice to remember those times when we were at our best. If you were a sports person or an actor, they’d have given you a trophy. This remembrance approach is not so popular with the bad times though. We tend to like to put those experiences to the back of our mind with all the unused stuff, like algebra and how to solve a Rubik’s Cube.
You don’t tend to get trophies for the bad things. We like to let the anniversary of someone’s death slip by quietly for instance, and this is quite understandable because it hurts like hell. Maybe though, there are life experiences that, while tough, remind us that we overcame. Sometimes they remind us that we found a new and more worthwhile path as a result of our struggles and that this should be celebrated.
A small caveat
I am not directing this idea at everybody. Sometimes completely horrible things happen to good people, from which no good can come. To you, all I can offer are my prayers and advice that you find a professional to talk to if you haven’t already. The world has stories about people who refused to give up, despite their experience. Many of these incredible survivors say that whilst they’d give anything to go back and change what happened, they are amazed at how they have grown as a direct result. People like this amaze and inspire us to keep going and be kind where we can.
Remembrance and gratitude
The most obvious form of remembrance in most countries is on the anniversary of wars and battles. I know that in my own country and many others, far from being a glorification of war, remembrance is a sombre and powerful expression of gratitude to those that paid the ultimate price on our behalf. Many people I know will state that ANZAC Day is their favourite day of the year. They start the day in gratitude and remembrance and end the day in celebration of the freedom they have as a result of sacrifice.
The key point here is that something terrible has led to an expression of gratitude. People who have lost a loved one in war, start the day in grief and end the day thankful that they knew such an extraordinary person. Whilst the pain may not necessarily go away, gratitude makes it that little bit less challenging to handle.
You overcame…
Everybody has a breaking point. Each person has different vulnerabilities for a myriad of different reasons, so don’t question why your experience is somewhat divergent to others. The thing that I discovered when something traumatic happened to me, is that the worst possible outcome isn’t always as bad as you imagined. Don’t misunderstand me here, nobody died in my specific incident, but it did dramatically change my life nonetheless. I have grown in ways from this that I did not imagine and I have let go of hurt that I didn’t believe I could. I try to remember this in the dark times.There is a potentially fulfilling life to be lived after pain if you don’t give up.
This is why I believe that marking an occasion with some symbolic form of letting go and an expression of gratitude is a healthy thing to do. Whether the symbolic act is the burning of a piece of paper with your hurts and grievances typed out, visiting a special place or the giving away of something that ties you to your previous life, is entirely your own preference. The point is that if you make it significant enough, then whenever you feel down about it, you will be reminded that you made the choice to live a better life. You will remind yourself that despite what the world has thrown at you, you are still standing and trying.
Gratitude
I grew up in a generation of people who love Michael J Fox. He has had both more success and more pain than most of us and his story makes for inspiring reading. Through his suffering with Parkinson’s Disease, he has had to give up his career and then reinvent himself. He had a recent serious fall and shattered his arm and despite this he has still helped to raise a billion dollars for research. Michael pulls no punches when he talks about his journey. His voice breaks and it is clear that he has suffered greatly. Despite this he says ‘Gratitude makes optimism sustainable’.
Gratitude really is a super power against depression. I am not talking about some half arsed attempt to list off a few bits and pieces. I am talking about a deep and regular appreciation for all that you have. You should always avoid comparing your life to anyone else’s at this or any other point as it can easily drag you down. When however you make explicit the implicit, it gives gratitude its power. As an example, I am grateful beyond measure for my family, yet I rarely express it to them or myself. When I do verbalise to myself what they mean, I am often left with tears of joy. Makes you wonder why I don’t do it more often.
A pile of stones
As the story of the Israelites from the Old Testament points out, when they finally entered the Promised Land, the Israelites built a pile of stones by the Jordan River. This was to both remember how far they had come and show gratitude for God’s blessing and provision throughout. If in the future they ever started to forget either their struggles or deliverance, the pile of stones would be there to remind them. This basic premise can work for you and I too.
Build your own symbolic pile of stones. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it is important to you. As long as it will be there to remind you that you have triumphed over pain in the past and you can again. As long as it reminds you that there are many things in your life to be grateful for.
Related links
Honesty and acceptance » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated
Michael J. Fox Rediscovers His Optimism: ‘There Is No Other Choice’ | Sunday TODAY – YouTube
Very nice 🙂
Great!