Routine: The great liberator?

Life is all about patterns.  Routine creates predictability.  The recurring responsibilities and their inherent predictability end up being relied upon to keep us steady.  The jobs that we complain about so often, end up becoming the foundations that keep everything in place.  As my father used to say ‘Habit is the great liberator of conscience’.  What happens though, when the very reliable timetable we rely upon is suddenly taken away?  How do we cope when all the patterns that keep us in place are mixed up or thrown out?  Simply put, we need to seek out and embrace a new purpose more in line with our values to drive us.  If we focus too much on what has gone wrong, or conversely pretend we are always under control, it is a slippery slope to anxiety and depression.  

“It’s a hard thing to leave any deeply routine life, even if you hate it.”

John Steinbeck – East of Eden

Dreaded routine

When you are caught up in the routine of going to work, fighting traffic, meeting deadlines, paying the mortgage, looking after children and maintaining the house, freedom seems a long way away. This feeling of isolation and regret only gets worse as the years slip away. I used to call this unchanging lifestyle ‘the dreaded routine’.

Occasionally, in my professional capacity, I would have the experience of passing quaint and inviting cafes and restaurants down by the sea.  The weight of deadlines and responsibility made it impossible to stop at those times.  My colleague and I would gaze in longingly at the diners, seemingly free of care, and comment how wonderful it would be to be in their place.  What I did not understand at the time, was that it is the momentary break from routine that makes these desirable experiences valuable, not a complete freedom from routine.  Rather than using the adjective ‘dreaded’, we should be using ‘necessary’ with the word routine.

When you consult the elders…

I remember when my father moved into semi-retirement.  He took a part time job so that he didn’t have to touch his Superannuation.  After a year or two of this, his brother, partner and friend also retired and he discovered other interests.  Noticing that he had given up his part time job, I asked him why.  I will never forget his wise, yet simple reply. “I am too busy to work these days”.  His life had a purpose beyond work.  His purpose became more important than not touching his superannuation. 

My neighbours are the same.  In their nineties, they are as dynamic as they ever were.  Volunteering everywhere, supporting children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, they are always doing something. Their complete refusal to give up having a purpose seems to keep them vital and content.  Sure they have trips and embrace special occasions. Their social life is better than ours. Their identity and value, though,  is in being a part of a caring community. 

Either way the answer is purpose

Whether you are a Doctor, Teacher or Nurse, weighed down by long hours and stressful situations, or a carefree retiree, you need a purpose.  You need a reason to get out of bed each day.  If all you do is relax all the time, then that becomes the new normal.  You will end up needing a break from doing nothing eventually.  Why else do you think so many ‘trust fund’ children end up either in trouble or working longer hours than they need to?

What that purpose might be, is as individual as you are.  Noone can tell you what that will be.  Whether it is splitting the atom, or splitting an apple for the kids lunches is your choice.  No one thing is more important than another if it is what drives you.  My own lifestyle is as different now to what it was several years ago.  If you’d have told me just how much joy I would get out of simple tasks, I don’t think I’d have believed you. The point is that I value them highly because they make my family’s life easier.

When things go wrong…

When things inevitably go wrong and you have to refocus, shift gears or start again, it is far too easy to embrace regret, embarrassment and depression.  Trust me on this.  If you also harbour anger, resentment and pain, then the outcome becomes predictable.  Anxiety and depression are on the rise throughout the world for a reason, yet in many cases though, this does not have to be the end result.  Developing a new purpose in line with your own values is the difficult, yet important key to starting afresh.

That ‘dreaded’ routine will always be ‘necessary’.  If you have been caught in a career or role that is unfulfilling, draining or damaging, maybe you have been staying where you are out of fear.  Maybe this time of struggle and pain is just the birth pains of a shift to something more valuable.  More want to and less have to.  If this is the case, then find out what your values are.  Knowing your values well can be a clear path to knowing your passions, be they simple or complex, humble or grand.  

One thing remains clear though… Doing nothing is a very dangerous thing.

Identifying values: A place to start

Values-and-Mindset-Exercise.pdf (wsu.edu)

Identity » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated