The small things

I have learnt to appreciate small things.  Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) take so much joy from life.  Important things that once gave you great comfort and pleasure, seem meaningless when you are in the grip of the maelstrom.  The effort and struggle it takes to reach those major moments seems fraught with danger and mistruth.  Enter the small things.  These are the small acts of kindness or serendipity that come along when we are at our lowest to keep us going.  Here then is to the small things. Here’s to noticing them and here’s to being thankful for them.

Our cat – a small thing

Our cat is a rescue cat.  Truth be told, she is not the friendliest cat in the world.  She tolerates the rest of the family, but she loves me.  I don’t know why.  The cat came along as a kitten when I was at my lowest ebb.  Whilst she would hide under my daughter’s bed for most of the day, I would lay on the couch with a heavy blanket over my head, trying to escape the pain.

Slowly but surely, the cat ventured out, exploring the house when it was quiet.  Eventually she found me, depressed and alone on the lounge.  She would come to me each day and either crawl under the blanket to snuggle next to me or lay on my back with her paws on my neck for hours.  When she was eventually allowed outside, she would still come back reliably every hour to check on me.  The bond of care that we formed became really important.  I don’t know what I’d do without her and I feel grateful for her trust.

Walking

Walking is about as basic a human function as breathing.  We walk all the time, for all manner of reasons.  Sometimes, when I had no courage to do anything practical, I would walk.  Often I would walk with nowhere in particular in mind, for no specific reason, other than that I needed to be doing something.  It almost became my way of self medicating.  There is something mindful about walking if you can shut your internal chatter up.

Later I walked with a mate.  We would talk about all manner of topics, both light hearted and serious.  It felt great because I was doing something physical and social.  Two simple things that I had unwisely stopped doing for over a year. Walking is something I am really thankful for.

Honesty

In today’s world, we are surrounded by enhanced versions of reality.  Everyones online presence is framed , airbrushed and edited to portray the best possible image.  Honesty is a rare commodity, even if for most people it is a subconscious choice that they make.  In my country, we have a saying for when someone tells you what you want to hear, even if it isn’t true.  It is “blowing the wind up your arse”.

It took me many decades to be honest with myself.  As tough as it was to blow wind up my own arse, I found a way. When I did learn to be honest, I felt a weight lift off me.  It taught me just how valuable genuine honesty is.  Thankfully, my wife and one or two mates have been straight with me from the start.  It is a wonderful feeling to be able to ring your buddy at your lowest ebb and have them be truthful, gentle and commit to bring you back to the light.  I have never felt so blessed as I did the day I realised that a few people love me enough to talk straight with me.

Mindful moments

Almost a decade ago, I was lucky enough to travel to New York City, where I fell deeply in love with the Pastrami and Corned Beef from Katz’s Delicatessen.  Now whilst I have eaten my own version of both of these wonderful meats many times since, I was usually in a rush and didn’t enjoy them as much as I could have.  

Apart from all of the other benefits of mindfulness, being in the moment has taught me to appreciate the small things all the more.  When I make a corned beef and sauerkraut sandwich with Russian dressing these days, I sit quietly in the sun and taste each mouthful slowly.  I listen to the birds and the sound of distant trains as the world turns. I let the dog lick up the scraps that fall to my feet and think of nothing at all.  It all sounds trivial, but when you are used to catastrophising and ruminating everything, a break like that is powerful.

Small acts of kindness

I recently sat near an older lady in a café for coffee.  She was on her own and if appearances are anything to go by, she was on a fixed income.  Very quickly, she interrupted my silent contemplation with all manner of observations about nothing in particular.  As it turned out, she was treating herself to a coffee and toast on pension day, her one fortnightly extravagance.  I really hadn’t wanted to talk, but it seemed clear to me that her need was greater.

Sometimes people are really isolated.  They live on their own and look for a friendly face to talk to when they do go out.  Even though it seems like a small thing, being open to a friendly exchange with a stranger helped both of us.  I am grateful that an older lady saw enough in me to want to talk.

Gratitude is the essence

I could go on about all of the small things, like the taste of well made chocolate, watching cartoons with the kids, or the wonderful patterns in the crema on my coffee, but that would be overdoing it.  The point is that sometimes life is so tough, that being grateful for the big stuff seems overwhelming.  That’s when it is important to find small stuff to appreciate.

Related links

Five ways to be kinder to yourself » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

Using Small Things to Control Anxiety | Eckhart Tolle Teachings – YouTube