Strength through weakness

It is an apparent contradiction that we can develop strength through weakness, yet many texts reflect this idea.  Without going into all of them, the most famous is of course our salvation through Jesus Christ, who was willing to become weak so that we might be saved.  The Son of God taking the form of a human and allowing himself to be crucified, so that humans might know God, is the greatest example of good coming out of an apparently bad situation.  Something, it seems, that God allows regularly in my opinion.  This idea of good from bad appeals to me as a sufferer of Major Depression and PTSD, because feeling awful is a very common sensation.  The good news then, is that if you set your mind to it, you can learn to gradually overcome your weaker mental health habits and replace them with something better. Something that just might bring blessing to others.

Gold through fire

Would you rather have a kilogram of pure gold or a kilogram of impure gold?  The obvious answer is pure gold because it holds so much more value in every way.  As we all know, the only way to rid impure gold of all the nasties is through fire.  The parallels in this metaphor as they relate to suffering are obvious, though not exact.  Let me expand on this a little.

I am not saying that the only way for us to achieve wisdom and improve our understanding of the world is through suffering alone.  Some suffering is awful and nothing good comes out of it.  What I am saying though, is that if you keep trying to overcome the dark times that surround you, if you keep at it, then wisdom, hope and eventually strength can result.  If you determine that you will find some good amidst the pain, you are subtly looking for a positive among all the negatives.  You are saying ‘I will be refined by this fire’.

The refining fire of discipline

Major depression and difficult life circumstances are tough. Really tough.  Though we’d love it to be true, there are in fact no short cuts out of the darkness.  That said, embracing the discipline of healthier habits is nowhere near as painful as the mental hell many of us have found ourselves in.  What this indicates is that while establishing a routine of mindfulness, exercising when your mind screams no, eating well, avoiding alcohol and practising gratitude (among other healthy approaches) is a discipline, it can’t be any harder than your current  level of suffering.

When I was at my worst, it was a full time job just managing my head space.  Getting things done was a huge problem.  Avoiding people, handling fear, sleeping all the time and rumination and catastrophising took a great toll.  By embracing the notion of ‘If I am useful, eventually my brain will believe it too’ that is behind the theory of behavioural activation, I began to improve.  I would force myself to exercise when I had to go out anyway, so as not to avoid it. I kept a list of ‘to do’ jobs and developed a daily habit of mindfulness.  In the end I gave up alcohol and I saw a Dietician.  All of these took discipline, but eventually I found I was functioning again.

The refining fire of knowledge

Whether you are a reader or not, knowledge goes a long way.  If you are struggling with mental ill health, then become an expert on it.  Read books recommended on legitimate websites.  Watch clips online.  Talk to others and seek guidance from Psychiatrists and Psychologists.  The advantage of doing this is that you will not only become knowledgeable about what is happening within your mind, you will begin to recognise the warning signs before they happen.  Mental ill health is not simply a ‘take a pill and forget it’ problem.  It requires some mental discipline too.

The refining fire of vulnerability

One thing that the steady increase in the numbers of those being diagnosed with depression shows, is that it is extremely common.  Noone who lives in our hyper busy, hyper connected world, really believes the ridiculous image we create of ourselves online anymore.  Whilst the desire to appear with it all the time is tempting on social media, the fact is that it is impossible.  Many people who end up not coping are often the ones who don’t talk about their struggles because they are too concerned with other people’s opinions.

I am not saying you should wear a t-shirt indicating that you are a ratbag, or tell a passing stranger that you hate yourself.  Rather I am suggesting that you tell a good friend and ask for support.  Tell your Doctor and tell your family.  Admit that you aren’t perfect and need help.  Admitting your vulnerabilities to the right people, despite being scary, is quite freeing.  It is in fact the strong thing to do.

The refining fire of trust

When I was first diagnosed, My Psychiatrist said to me “Your depressed self is not a wise counsellor.” The idea stayed with me.

I decided from this that I needed to trust some people.  Not everyone, but a select few.  My wife, my Doctors, two friends and my boss were the ones I chose.  Someone for each key area of my life.  If one of them told me to do something because it was good for me, then I trusted them. Sometimes it was about medication, sometimes it was about getting off the couch, sometimes it was about my wrong thinking  and sometimes it was about getting exercise.  It was a discipline at times, but it was worth it.

Courage – The final word

To face an issue when your mind is screaming at you in fear, takes great courage.  Getting up and functioning takes great effort.  Trusting loved ones with your weakness takes faith in others.  If you are determined to embrace a little discipline in regards to healthier habits in the dark times, you can become more resilient.  You can bring strength out of weakness. If you are lucky, you may even become a shining gold beacon for others to follow out of the darkness.

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