Ever noticed how when times are either fantastic or completely fractured that we like to think and express ourselves in absolutes? “That was the worst feeling….”, “I’ve never felt more pain…” and “That is the best news ever!…” come readily to mind. In my experience, this seems to be because that’s how we genuinely feel. We often take all our efforts and attempts and boil the results down into one accessible feeling or statement. Especially with negative experiences. Added to this, our absolute perception of life up until that point can be completely at odds with how we present to those around us. The message is that it is always best to show kindness to others, because they probably need it even if they don’t appear to.
The key word here is obviously perception. I tend to be somewhat negative, so I often perceive the worst possible version of events as the most accurate. Others may be eternal optimists always seeing the upside. Others still, might have far too high an opinion of themselves. Added to this, some naturally present their best possible selves all the time, hiding the pain away, lest they be judged. You never know what the people around you are going through. The only possible conclusion is to be kind and generous as often as you can, because more people need it than you think.
A few exceptions
Clearly there are times when a few choice adjectives are needed in life. If, for instance, you catch someone stealing a ceramic goldfish out of your neighbour’s birdbath, then strong words are needed. If you are the withering target of the most childish and inane bully going, then eventually they may need to be put in their place. I’m not talking about one off events of confrontation like these that you have no choice but to face. I’m talking about everyday events that happen so often that we don’t even notice. Helping the kids get ready for school, supporting a colleague with a monotonous task, ringing a family member or being happy for someone else’s good luck. These are all examples of opportunities begging for a supportive comment or smile.
Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Mark Twain
Everyone appreciates kindness
Beneath every struggling artist and most of the successful ones, is a creative soul aching to be affirmed. Behind every sports person is someone afraid of failing. Behind every hospitable cake maker is someone wishing they were thanked, even though they say “It’s nothing at all…just a cake” whenever you do. You might be thinking here that you can be too kind, to which I say ‘No you can’t’. Kindness means meeting someone where they are and helping them with what they need in a respectful way. It doesnt necessarily mean doing whatever they want all the time.
As an experienced teacher, I was blessed to watch people with all manners and styles when it came to reaching students. There were the shouters, the dictators, the bribers, the cool ones and of course the slightly unhinged casual teachers. Of all these, the best were usually the quiet, experienced ones. The reason for this was because they got to class early, knew their subject matter and were genuinely happy to see the students. They laid out their expectations clearly and never raised their voices. The end result was usually students who liked coming to class, knew what was expected and tried their best. Students who regularly got detention in every other subject, tried their best in these classes because the teacher believed in them. The difference was that these teachers were kind and generous of spirit. It can’t be faked.
You never know
Have you ever had the experience of congratulating a friend for an extraordinary achievement, only to have them burst into tears and admit that they feel like a fraud? It is a most shocking experience, especially when that person has been a mentor for years, never showing even the slightest crack in their armour. If we consider the pervasive added pressure of social media to always appear with it, then you could draw the conclusion that the world is actually full of frauds. People who have bitten off more than they can chew and are madly chewing like crazy. People who all the while are posting exhausted selfies of it to prove that they are enjoying themselves.
The point is that you never know when a kind word will hit the mark. In a world where everyone is taught to be something that they aren’t, you never know who will really need your kindness. With the internet, tracking cookies, GPS tracking and personalised advertisements, just about any street in your neighbourhood contains people who are not only being told how to look, how to act and what to buy, they are also feeling completely unhappy about it. Your genuine act of encouragement might be the difference they need.
Electric cars and toughness
When you drive a petrol engine, it runs more economically on a freeway because there is less braking and accelerating. Conversely, an electric car runs more economically in the city because its batteries are recharged by regenerative braking. A first time owner of an electric car takes a little while to get used to this incongruity. It is the same with kindness in many instances. Many people believe that kindness is a weakness, where in actual fact it is a strength.
Offering kindness in a world where we are told to look after ourselves first takes real strength. It takes a compassionate person to see everyone, no matter how down at heel or frustrating, as equally valuable. Don’t misunderstand me, nobody expects you to be kind in every situation. As a general principle though, kindness will make both your life and the lives of those you come in contact with better
It is a win win
Nobody ever said that Mother Theressa is too kind. Santa Clauss is well respected for his generosity even though he isn’t even real. Just about every major religion and charity goes out of its way to feed the poor and help the downtrodden. It is the one thing that everyone agrees they do well. Noone has ever said that the Salvos are terribly greedy or that the Red Cross should stop handing out care parcels in war zones.
The reason for this is that kindness and respect for all, no matter their circumstancesl never comes back to you void. To have people say “He/She is so lovely. They are always kind to others” is a compliment of the highest order. Not only do you get to be nice to someone who needs it, you get to live according to a very high ideal. Living according to your ideals is a great way to feel good about yourself.
Useful stuff
Kindness and other acts of rebellion » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated %
Social media and mental health, tips to mitigate the impact on teens and adults – YouTube
We do 🙂 And give it 🙂
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