Kindness and other acts of rebellion

Depression is powerful.  It has a voice that makes it difficult to ignore.  It demands attention.

My father was an old style Principal and he was good at his job.  He had a strong control of tone that he could use to make you stand up and take notice.  He had a presence that made you listen.  Depression can be like an old style School Principal.

Thankfully that is where the similarities end, my father was a generous man, but the point is clear.  If poor mental health takes over, it demands respect and it doesn’t give up control easily.

Depression really can feel like there is no way forward.  It is so pervasive and evil, that it attracts all manner of simile and metaphor in attempts to describe it.  The black dog, the fog, the rain, being lost, constant overwhelming grief and darkness are just the obvious ones. The point is clear though, that if you haven’t been through the experience and you want to understand, trust the imagery.  

Life can be tough

It is not about weakness as some will have you believe.  The list of sufferers is not limited to your ordinary journeyman or woman.  It contains a myriad of accomplished, powerful and respected people that succeeded despite the pain.  Some of whom rose to the very top of their chosen professions and yet couldn’t overcome the dark cloud that enveloped them.

Our hyper connected, digital age is a double edged sword. Along with improved communication, medical breakthroughs and apps that tell us where the best public toilets are, it has brought us more stress, greater urge to compare ourselves, online bullying and cyber attacks.  Social media overwhelmingly teaches us to look after ourselves first. The irony is that despite the connectivity, we are worse off.  Life can be tough, no matter how comfortable you are. You never know who is struggling.

Kindness is a rebellion

That is why kindness and self compassion are so important.  That is why being nice to others and yourself is an act of rebellion. The old cliché says that you never really know what a person is going through and in my mind this is true in essence.  So be kind toothers and yourself when you can. Smile at people, wait your turn, carry someone’s bags, mow your neighbours lawn, flush the toilet, buy yourself a coffee.

Occasionally, if the statistics are correct, one of your random niceties will land on a person struggling with depression or another mental illness.  Once in a while, you will come across someone whose only possible act of rebellion that day was to ignore the sad siren voices in their head and open the front door in hope.

In an effort to describe the victory I felt at getting out of the house one bitter morning, I wrote a short piece.  I sat at a café on the water’s edge near my home and tried to explain how my mind had told me I’d be better off at home, hidden under a blanket.  I wrote about the genuine joy I felt at having acted in opposition to those voices and how the gentle morning sun caressed me and the strong coffee welcomed me.  

The key point is that sometimes we overcome the pain sufficiently, but sometimes we don’t.  If you are aware that a loved one or friend is struggling, pick them up for a walk, make a date for coffee, drop over with some old photos… be kind.  It might just give them the strength they need to push through the pain.

This is what I wrote:

A simple act of rebellion

Sometimes the effort in getting out of bed is an act of rebellion.

The effort in freeing yourself momentarily from responsibility. 

The detailed planning in ignoring voices that echo and break sharply 

Is a rebellion against the dark spaces of an untrustworthy mind.

To find yourself with a coffee in some pleasant, out of the way cafe is a victory over fear.

The thoughts that prowl about impatiently in the old tarred car park

Will be there when you return. Despite appearances they will renew their cries.

For now though, there is rich coffee, early morning frost and the sun sitting gently on the river.

Sometimes that is enough. 

LINKS

Social media and mental health, tips to mitigate the impact on teens and adults – YouTube

(A nice, short summary on the effects of social media.)

The Social Dilemma is a powerful film available on Netflix.

Links and Disclaimer