Dreams are funny. They describe so many different aspects of our lives. You can have a dream, make a dream, lose a dream, interpret a dream, achieve a dream or even be in a dream state. No matter who you are though, you will have had dreams in one form or another. Either they begin life in your unconscious, sleeping mind or they find some sort of connection to your waking reality. If they are something you wish strongly for, then most likely both.The dreams that I have been thinking about lately are the ones that we have hoped and planned for since we were young. The ones that you only realise aren’t coming true when it is too late.
We all have dreams when we are younger. Brought up on World War II movies, I wanted to be a war hero. Then after I saw James Bond, I thought I might like to be a movie star or a spy. I even wanted to change my middle name to Tarzan for a while. When All Creatures Great and Small came on, I wanted to be a Veterinarian. I remember that the last thing I wanted to do was be something ordinary. If you know me, you are probably having a chuckle right now. I am far from a spy, I hate violence, I look terrible in a loin cloth and I don’t even walk the dog. The point is that in the end, most of our dreams don’t come true and we have to adjust or let them go.
“It is better to look at the sky than to live there. Such an empty place; so vague. Just a country where the thunder goes and things disappear.”
Truman Capote from Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Being realistic
Some of you are probably thinking ‘your dreams didn’t come true because they were not realistic’, and you’d be right. The point I would make is that some dreams are meant to be realistic and some aren’t. Some are designed to drive you towards a better life. To study for knowledge, to master a skill and to get healthy come to mind. Other dreams though, are there purely for escape. Some dreams are there to give you hope when there is none. Why do people buy lottery tickets, for example, when they never expect to win? Simply because it gives them the right to dream.
Flights of fancy and spectacular dreams are a dime a dozen. Most people get sick of them pretty quickly and trade them in for something more achievable. I did. I became a teacher and I live in suburbia. There are still dreams of other things though, of writing, of travel and that my family remains safe and content. Rarely does a loin cloth come into it, thankfully. I do this because we all need to move forward even a little bit every now and then. We need to break new ground once in a while or things can get pretty stale.
Running on empty
In life, there are times when we run out of energy. Where forward momentum comes to a stop and pursuing your goals and dreams is too much. Sometimes the road we are on unexpectedly comes to a sudden and brutal stop. Whether it is grief, injury, trauma, mental health or failure, we all face a dark time of the soul where practical planning and creative problem solving is just too hard.
I have found that these times often occur when one dream has failed or when your goals are no longer relevant or achievable. Where once was careful planning and hope, is now the littered remains of a career or relationship that was meant to last. Many times, when something large or traumatic occurs, it is all that you can do to get up each day. Dreams seem a long way away and somewhat irrelevant. It is ironically at precisely times like this that we need to dream about one thing in particular. ‘What can I do to make my life a little better than it is today?’ ‘What can I change easily?’
The positive thing about dark times is that we are more likely to be honest about what isn’t working. The things that are causing us pain are a little more obvious than usual and open to change. This is when small but positive adjustments will work. If, for example, you are always too stressed, then dream about being that calm person you want to be and sign up to mindfulness meditation classes. If you are not as healthy as you’d like, dream about walking along the coast road every evening and then do it. Achieving small goals and making minor adjustments can give you the sense that you are still moving forward and still dreaming. That you have hope.
“Remember Red. Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies.”
Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption by Stephen King.
You’ve heard it said “Dream big!”. The problem when you dream too big is that the dreams are unlikely to come true, especially in the short term. You set yourself up for failure and sadness. Added to this, in dark times, huge changes are best avoided till you are on an even keel again. I’m here to say then, that when you are under fire, dream small. Dream in achievable chunks. Ticking positive things off your list, no matter how small, gives you the sense that things will be okay. The worst thing you can do is listen to your broken self and do nothing. Doing nothing is a fast track to depression.
You have to maintain some hope in the dark times, no matter how small. If you give up on believing that you can change your life, then mental health struggles await you. Things may be bad, terrible even, but you have to hold on. You have to dream that your life can be improved a little bit. Sometimes a little improvement is enough
I day dream. It takes me away. Your words were refreshing & engaging. Thanks Buddy.
Always, welcome, Pal.