Know how to help
The problem with a blog about mental health and depression is that often the only time you feel like writing is when you feel better. Then the natural tendency is to try to bring some good out of the terrible experience. Offer advice. Added to this, if you do happen to write in the maelstrom, then what results is usually so dark and depressing that you can never bring yourself to share it.
Writing is one of the few things I can bring myself to do when I am deeply sad. The reason being that I have always used writing as a means to explain how I felt. The thinking was that if I could capture it, I could overcome it.
What has resulted is that I have posts that I have written to be read by others and posts that no one reads. Posts that were never meant to be read. This can sometimes leave the impression that depression is all about recovery. Nothing but meditation, exercise and healthy living.
The trouble with popularity
The struggle with mental health has been cleansed of all its dirtiness. People who yearn to understand are not given the full picture because often we don’t have the courage to be honest. We should be, if only for the simple reason to help prepare our loved ones to not be shocked and to know how to respond.
In an effort to write myself into a better mood, I wrote the following piece with no intention of publishing it. Eventually I decided that I wanted people to know how bad it can get. I wanted them to know that if they haven’t heard from someone that they stay in regular contact with, then that person may need company. They may need to be visited. Especially if they live on their own. They may be so worn down by depression that even communicating is tough.
I am lucky. My wife is tuned into my darker moods. She knows when to push me and she knows when to leave me alone. Not everyone is so lucky. If all you gain from this is that you become more aware of your loved ones mental health, then it’s been worth it. If you are able to offer to be someone’s safe place to fall, it may just save them.
Warning: The following piece contains faulty thinking and a little self-indulgence.
From inside the storm
I don’t have anything wise to say today.
The whole world can go and blow it out its arse.
Despite all my efforts, here it is, back with me again. The sun has been blocked out and I am far from safety…. Floundering.
To be honest, I’m only doing this to try and write myself back into calmer waters. Searching for a few well placed metaphors to guide me home. It’s got nothing to do with being strong or resilient. It’s about survival.
The urge to lie down is strong. To crawl under a heavy blanket and let the day go, but too many people are about, trying to keep me busy…and focussed on better things. They mean well, but it’s all pointless.
When I’m like this, I usually don’t appreciate the things that I know are good for me. I’d toss them out with the rubbish if someone challenged me. That’s how grief stricken I feel.
No exercise or mindfulness today, and you can stick gratitude where the sun doesn’t shine. As for getting out and seeing a friend… who has the energy? Who’d want to see me like this?
I won’t post this. Haven’t got the courage. The thought of all those well meaning people asking if I’m okay only churns my stomach more. I know intellectually that it’s not a matter of weakness or fear of stigma, but in my heart it really is about that.
They don’t want to hear it anyway. Depression is only appropriate when it fits between clean, psychologically worded lines. It isn’t acceptable when it is dirty and fearful. People don’t want to know how awful it is or how draining the whole process becomes. No, I’ll keep it to myself.
Only I know how worn down and weak I am, how pathetic I seem to others. I’d rather struggle on my own than feel someone else’s pity. I want to be on my own.
Maybe I’ll pretend I have a headache so that I can lie down. Sometimes sleeping isn’t a healthy thing, but sometimes it’s all that works.
Postscipt
I have not enhanced this or changed it in any way. It’s what I wrote at the time, faulty thinking and all. I doubted good people because my depression was telling me that I was right and they were wrong.
I am doing fine now, so no need to check on me. I’m in a good place. After a short nap, where I set my alarm so that I didn’t sleep too long, I got up and kept busy. I did my meditation, helped the kids with schoolwork, cooked lunch and expressed gratitude, even though I clearly didn’t feel like it. In short, I did what I was told by my Doctors and it helped.
Depression comes in waves. Sometimes it hits with a force so strong and sudden that it takes your breath away. Then all your routines and meditations go out the window till the storm has passed. The advantage of those positive behaviours and medications, though, is simply that they give you the strength to weather the storm. You know the sun will eventually come out again, so you keep going.
Recovery
Recovery through following a Doctor’s mental health plan at times like this is invaluable. You’ve got to do what you have been told to do by the people you trust without fail. Remember what my Psychiatrist said ”Your depressed self is not a good counselor. You need to trust somebody”.
If any of what I’ve said resonates, please see a good Doctor soon or follow one of the appropriate links below.
Remember that if someone chooses to open up to you, they are being incredibly brave to admit their struggle. Also, the fact that you have been chosen means that you are trusted, so really listen. Know how to respond.
Links
How to ask “Are you OK?” | R U OK?
R U OK? Is a magnificent organisation that not only encourages us to ask if our friends, colleagues and family are Ok, it offers advice and resources to help us know how to respond in a helpful manner. If you have people in your life with Mental Health issues, a great place to start would be to familiarise yourself with their website.
Links and Disclaimer » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated
👍 🙂