Life momentum » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

The rate of change of momentum of a body over time is directly proportional to the force applied against it.
Newton’s second law of motion (or thereabouts).

I forgot just how much effort it took to get going in life when I was starting out. It takes a long time to build up life momentum, to get qualified, to get noticed. When you finally do get a start and turn up with your best, that momentum slowly builds over time if you’re doing it correctly.

Life events come along and you tick them off proudly. Love, marriage, children, career and a home happen for most of us to varying degrees if we are lucky. Before we realise it, we’re on our way with ‘a head of steam’.

Life momentum carries us a fair way. Occasionally there is a bump in the road or a niggling doubt, but the force of our trajectory pushes us through. A loved one passes, we are made redundant, a relationship is strained or a myriad of other problems occur, but we cope. We are ‘match fit’ to use a sporting metaphor and push on regardless.

What happens though, if you are faced with events that, through no fault of your own, stop you dead in your tracks? What happens if you are a witness to or a victim of violence? What happens if you are suddenly on your own? What happens if you are diagnosed with an illness or suffer a life altering injury? What happens if a million tiny problems keep occurring and finally the ‘straw breaks the camel’s back’ and removes all momentum from you? How do you get going again?

Phantom pains – Overcoming is about acceptance

When I was a teenager, I had a friend who sadly passed away due to cancer in one of his limbs. It was something that affected our entire community greatly. He was a charming, intelligent and decent guy. I have a fond memory of him sitting in church, telling us about ‘phantom pains’ in his leg. He could feel his toes even though they were no longer there. Another friend offered to scratch them for him and we all chuckled.

I’m sure my friend wouldn’t have minded me using this as an illustration. Often when something that we have unconsciously counted on our entire life is no longer there, our minds take a little time to realise that it is gone. Many people that have lost a body part report the same phenomenon. It appears to be the same with a loss of career or a defining relationship. The person that has lost something significant, still pictures themselves as having that thing or being in that relationship, even though it no longer exists in the same form or at all.

The first step to overcoming this type of situation in my experience is acceptance. If you can no longer follow your chosen career as an example, it is difficult not to see yourself in that profession. If you are a pilot that can no longer fly due to no fault of your own and someone asks you what you do, it is nearly impossible not to say ‘Pilot’. This experience is similar in many other areas of life, including relationships and health. It is not until you have accepted your circumstances that you can begin to see yourself doing something else. In order to move on, you need to let it go.

Zero momentum

The trouble I found at this point is that all the life momentum and good will I had built up in my career over decades was now gone. The energy I had as a younger man has slowly waned and the vision I followed has faded with time.. It’s like starting again. It is starting again.

Not only is there little life momentum at these times, many people in these circumstances understandably experience a slump in motivation. It feels like all that they’ve done has come to naught. From this point, it is a slippery slope to poor mental health if you aren’t struggling with it already.

Small steps

After acceptance, one of the keys to getting moving again is in taking small steps that don’t freak you out. Volunteer a few hours a week delivering meals on wheels, be the family’s gourmet chef, get fit, do some odd jobs, apply for part time jobs to keep the money coming in while you figure out your next move. The simple rule is that if you feel proud and fulfilled with what you’ve done at the end of the day, no matter how mundane, then it is a good start.

These small steps are key to maintaining hope, to maintaining life momentum. From experience, I can tell you that the worst thing you can do is to lie on the lounge and hope that the problem will go away. It wont. In fact it often gets worse. Rumination and regret like to lie on the lounge too.

Big steps are important, but they are difficult to take from a cold start. Like the athlete, you need to stretch and train. You need to psychologically limber up. This includes regular exercise, mindfulness and healthy living. Conversely, drinking at midday and eating takeaway all the time won’t help, no matter how nice they may feel. They are small steps too, but they are in the wrong direction.

Strive to see the forest amongst the trees

All of us have dreams of things we wanted to try, but never had the time. All of us wanted to spend more quality time with the kids. With a little focussed gratitude, we can see this time in limbo as the opportunity to tick these things off our lists. Learn to paint, do up that car, pick the kids up from school with a treat occasionally. Do whatever your time and budget can cope with. Find some good amongst the bad. You are more likely to develop a new vision doing something you love than doing nothing.

I know that times like these are not fun. I personally found them incredibly difficult, so I am not preaching ‘three easy steps to a better life’. What I am preaching is that momentum starts with small steps. The guy that pulled a double decker bus with his teeth to a world record started slowly. You might rightly wonder why someone might bother doing that at all. Let’s just say it was to create a good metaphor for us to use.

In any case, life momentum has to start somewhere and it’s often tough going early on. It doesn’t matter how small your steps are or whether people tell you that you’re nuts for taking them. If it’s important to you and aligns with your values, then do it. You can think about the big steps later. My choice was to write and find some good in my struggles to share. I hope I will achieve that. I’m off the lounge and taking small steps. You can too.

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