Responsibility - Benefit or burden? » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated

Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Responsibility is a grace you give yourself, not an obligation.
Dan Millman

There is always something to be responsible for. Responsibility is close by, limiting us, weighing us down and taking the spontaneity out of life. Chores, deadlines, supervising others and odd jobs can all be draining. That is the way it comes across when we are young and sometimes even when we are not so young, especially if the responsibility is forced on us. Have you considered, however, that there are actually two sides to this rather unusual coin? That while unwanted responsibility feels like it fences us in, a chosen responsibility can drive us onward and even fulfill us.

When I was younger…

Responsibility is subjective. When I was a teenager or in my early twenties, simple responsibilities that I was given, often weighed heavily upon me. When friends were out at night and I was working, it genuinely felt like the end of the world. In my mind, that night would be the night that something special and significant would happen, and I’d miss it.

The thing was though that ‘something special’ rarely did happen. Added to this, my friends were always glad to see me the next day and bring me up to speed anyway. Still, missing out because of responsibility, felt awful. When we are young, when our wings are still drying, we feel everything so keenly because we don’t have the life experience to give it context. We don’t realise that responsibilities like study and work really can lead to a better life.

The benefit of wisdom

As a professional, I was responsible for the welfare of a significant number of people. I planned, guided, educated and co-ordinated a wide range of important services for those that couldn’t do it for themselves. There were guidelines on how a job was to be properly achieved and a manager who rightly oversaw the whole process. I maintained all that responsibility with hardly a second thought, even though as a young man, the idea of it would have stressed me beyond belief.

The difference

The difference in my mind is twofold. Firstly, the benefits of a lifetime of experience and study prepared me for the role. In reality our whole lives are a classroom, not just the time spent in front of a whiteboard. I knew what to do because I’d been to University, but I knew how to treat people because I had experienced life in all it’s colour. I know what the law says about human rights, but I know what is actually right because I want people to treat my own family with respect and kindness. The idea is to treat people the way I like to be treated. There are book smarts and there are life smarts.

The second major difference is in the fact that I chose to accept the responsibilities that came with my career because I valued them. You see, when you choose to take up a role because it aligns with your belief system, you are much more likely to commit yourself to it with gusto. ^.Take the simple example of digging a hole. If for no reason, an aggressive fellow in a high vis shirt bellows at you that you have to dig a big hole, you will most likely do it begrudgingly. If, however, your delightful 90 year old neighbour needs a hole dug to stop a disaster occurring, you will jump into it enthusiastically. You’d probably call a few friends to help as well because it matters to you to treat people well.

Responsibility and choice

Being able to provide for yourself and your family is always important. To be able to provide life’s basic necessities with an element of safety, predictability and comfort is natural. The key though is in knowing when enough is enough. If you research the idea of money and happiness, you will very quickly learn that once you achieve a very basic level of financial freedom, money will not improve your well-being any further. Like David Lee Roth said “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a yacht so you can pull right up alongside it.”

Learn from the elders

Much as the younger ones amongst us won’t like to hear it, the answer is in watching the middle aged and elderly. They, like everyone else, threw themselves into forging a career and building a home because it is natural to do so. Once they had achieved this, however, or were at least along the road to achieving it, many realised that peace and contentment came in passing on what they had to others. Don’t believe me, then go to any volunteer organisation and you will find it is stocked with every type of retiree, from Builder’s Labourers to Supreme Court Judges.

My own children have had retirees volunteer to teach reading. Retirees have coached them, tutored them and played in bands with them. Volunteers keep the reserve at the end of my street free of weeds, they patrol the beaches, are tourism guides and teach scripture in churches. All of these roles and the thousands more that I haven’t mentioned, come with responsibility. They don’t do them purely because they are bored. They do it because people, community and a shared experience matter. All of these things are essential and only come with responsibility.

The key

The key then, to handling responsibility, is in choosing what you wish to have responsibility for. You will be able to overcome all sorts of stresses and requirements if you believe in what you are doing.

I have an old friend whose young son was very sick for a long time (He is now thankfully better). My friend and his wife not only had all of the responsibilities of an average, busy family, but they also had their beloved child in hospital for long periods. They would work, look after the rest of the family and then stay with their son in hospital all night because of love. Yes, parenthood is full of responsibility, but I am pretty sure that my friend never once considered it a burden to be with his son. In fact, I don’t think you could have dragged him away. They had chosen to be parents and embraced all the responsibility that came with it, no matter how difficult. Their experience is a lesson for all of us.

If you are faced with major life decisions around family, career or other important aspects of your future, then let what you value and find significant be the key guiding influence. No matter what happens as a result, good or bad, you will be able to embrace whatever responsibilities come with it.