Solitude: Turn off and tune in

You feel it when the wind howls outside your window, trying to get in.  It is there when the rain crashes against the glass like dive bombers in a war.  While the darkness surrounds you and the dull greyness covers you like sickly, cold skin, you crawl deeper into your bed.  Tired and sore, you retreat. When everyone wants a piece of you and you are never alone, you feel it…the need for solitude.

The world presses in on us from all sides.  Everyone and everything has expectations.  The freedom of technology that allows you to search the world, is outweighed by the evil and faceless millions who would steal your very identity.  Your work is all risk, performance, strength and the right attitude.  You are always switched on. If you know yourself deeply, then you are lucky.  Knowing yourself means that you understand where resilience and renewal come from. It comes from time on your own.  From being in that safe place.  From solitude.

The Wild Wood

The Badger from Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graeme understood it.  Hidden deep within the Wild Wood, he kept his home.  Obscured from all who would invade and annoy him, it meandered deep into a hill, filled with warm rooms and open fires. A kitchen full of fresh food and old tables welcomed only his closest friends and family. It was more than a house, it was his castle and his home. 

Don’t think that the Badger had hidden from life.  He kept the dangerous woods under control and lived with strength of character in an unpredictable world. He was wise though, because he knew his limits.  When he had run out of energy, he would retreat deep into his Library to sleep and recover.  He realised that he needed time alone to recharge and take care of himself.

Introvert or extrovert?

Clearly Badger was an introvert, or someone who needs time alone to replenish themselves.  If you know the story at all, you will know that another character, Toad, was an extrovert.  He was recharged, conversely, by social occasions and time spent in the company of friends and admirers.  It matters not to solitude in the long run if you are an introvert or an extrovert.  What matters is that at times we all need solitude in our lives.   

Obviously introverts have an advantage here, preferring their own company over most others.  Given time to themselves, introverts, though, have no more guarantee than an extrovert that they will use it wisely. Solitude is a state of mind that needs to be nurtured.  It is a skill that can thankfully be developed by everyone.  Solitude, as opposed to loneliness, is about withdrawal from others in order to hear your inner voice and strengthen your resolve.

Loneliness

The difference between solitude and loneliness in my mind, is choice.  Solitude is an act of will to withdraw to quietness and stillness for a purpose. Loneliness, however, is a state of living where you lack significant others to love and care for.  Loneliness is a heart breaking issue to face and is usually not one that people choose.  For the purposes of this post, we are focussing entirely on solitude and not loneliness.   We are looking at why and how we should withdraw from our busy lives to recharge.

Don’t confuse isolation with solitude

Some days I wake and the fog has closed in like a low pressure system.  Some days I wake with so little energy and positivity, that all I can do is cover my head and hide away.  This is not solitude.  This is isolation and isolation is a flawed coping technique.  Solitude, on the other hand, is a positive experience, designed to bring peace of mind and a clearer path.

Why solitude?

“I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.”

Audrey Hepburn

I am not a huge fan of technology and constant interconnectedness.  I appreciate the benefits, but I miss the world I once lived in. The pre-device, pre digital world.  Despite this, like everyone else, I have a mobile phone, a laptop, a smart watch and a tablet somewhere.  Technology has benefits.  I am not arguing that. After all, I use all of my devices every day.

What I am concerned about is the constant bombardment of information that we receive all the time.  How fit we are, emails, text messages, news as it happens and who is ringing our front door bell are common.  You can get messages from your fridge and talk to your dog through its water bowl if you want.  I’ve even heard of someone who phones people with his mobile. There is nothing wrong with each of these things, but together and added to the myriad of other responsibilities we already have, we must be reaching our limits.

Fear of what we’ll find

“If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”

Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra

Many people I have spoken to have admitted that solitude scares them, because they are worried about what they might find.  They are concerned that if they let the monkey out of the cage, they will never get it back in.  The problem with this theory is that significant issues are like a cork.  They have a tendency of finding their way to the surface.   Added to this, solitude doesn’t have to be about dredging through all the minutiae of your struggles. That is best done with a trained Psychologist. It is about being in the moment and listening to that ‘still, small voice’ within.

The ‘how’ of solitude

A dear friend, who had seen his fair share of pain, used to go on a yearly silence retreat with his church.  It was a powerful and beneficial time for him, where he received guidance and peace.  Others I have read about, retreat to a tent, trailer or caravan deep in the wilderness and simply fish or commune with nature.  If you are able to manage this, I envy you. I would love to try one of these approaches and hope to one day, but I have a family and responsibility that takes priority.

What is important with solitude is the quieting of your mind and the good news is that this can be achieved in short chunks nearly as well as in longer retreats. It is mostly about slowing down enough and isolating yourself just enough, so that the noise fades away.  This takes time, but with an organised mindfulness program, we can train ourselves to get better at it (see link below).

Another key aspect of solitude is to plan ahead and make it a little special.  If you try to grab a few minutes in the garden shed, you will inevitably get disturbed.  Better to let someone know, leave the mobile phone at home and take a walk to the seaside, nature reserve or park. Go where your soul enjoys the surroundings.  

No secret…

There is no secret to solitude.  Simply stop, quieten your mind and just enjoy the moment.  If you keep a journal, take it and write.  If you sketch to get in the flow, then sketch, but eventually put everything down. When your mind is quiet, just be in the moment. Thoughts will come and go as they should. Just don’t get stuck on them. Picture them float away in your mind’s eye and be at peace.

If solitude is made into something special, you will begin to look forward to it, because it is about renewal.  It will be the one part of your week, where you say no to hyper connectivity and social media. You will find soon enough that you begin choosing it over other things.  You may just start to hear that ‘still small voice within for the first time in years.

Links

On the beach at the end of the world with Warwick Thornton and his unruly chooks | Movie News | SBS Movies (A fabulous documentary about struggle and solitude)

15 MIN GUIDED MINDFULNESS MEDITATION – JON KABAT ZINN – YouTube

Balance – Mindfulness is the key » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated