The rather technical adjective maladaptive, when used to describe a person, is never a good thing. Essentially, maladaptive means that you don’t cope very well with your circumstances and so you maladapt to accommodate them. You can adapt to circumstances in unhealthy ways, but to be maladaptive is something special.
I never considered myself a perfectionist. In my mind, perfectionists were those buttoned up types who insisted on doing everything themselves because no one else would do it properly. They were the ones that worked late into the night on their project, only to get up early to check it over for the umpteenth time because you can’t make a mistake. I felt sorry for them.
It wasn’t until my dear Sister In Law put the term maladaptive in front of that term whilst explaining an idea one day, that the term perfectionist began to mean much at all. Upon explaining the definition of a Maladaptive Perfectionist to me, the world suddenly went into sharp focus. I wasn’t good enough to be a perfectionist. I was a maladaptive one.
Imposter’s Syndrome
You may know this psychological term by its common title… Imposter’s Syndrome. The idea goes like this… ‘I am an idiot. If I try and fail, they will know I am an idiot, so I will not try”. A more pessimistic relative of this idea is in the old parable “Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
In my mind, in the minds of many everyday people and in the minds of a myriad of accomplished people, we are that fool. Many have told us that we are far from being a fool, but they are wrong. Ironically, the only time we trust ourselves is when the opinion is self deprecating.
One of the many sad things about Imposters Syndrome is that sufferers never really enjoy their successes. No matter how often they succeed, they are constantly worried that someone will see through their facade. There is always an external reason beyond themselves as to why they triumphed.
Another depressing aspect of this malady is that many gifted people never really try for fear of being found out. I imagine that if I were a soldier, I would hate to be found dead after a battle with all my bullets still in the gun. In my mind I like to think I’d go down fighting, and yet in other ways I have been doing this my whole life for fear of failure. I choose to fail slowly in bite sized chunks.
Suffering from Imposters Syndrome usually means that a person is wracked by self doubt, constantly berating themselves and completely underestimating their abilities. It is no wonder then that rates of depression are much higher in this area.
Where to from here…?
So what do you do if this rings a bell with you? The good news is that being self aware enough to realise that you are struggling with these types of ideas is a start. The even better news is that there are things that you can do, but they take work and the guidance of a professional Psychologist.
‘Seek medical advice’ is the cry of the medically untrained, of which I am one, but I have spent a great deal of my life researching and even longer doubting myself. I have been helped by professionals and I encourage you to seek help too. Don’t be embarrassed. My GP indicated that he deals with patients with mental illness every day. Your struggles won’t shock them.
A small, but valuable hint, is to challenge your struggle with Imposter’s Syndrome in small, but significant ways. I used to write poetry and only let one dear friend read them. In my mind, poetry is important and something the world needs more of. So to put a poem out there for criticism was a big deal. My friend understood this. Gradually I started to let others read them too and I am much better for that. In small ways I was working towards something I believed in.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) was useful for me in this regard, particularly the book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. I highly recommend this book for a myriad of reasons. In particular it taught me to judge my actions based on their alignment to my values rather than how happy or successful they made me.
For further information and activities regarding Values and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, go to:
What is ACT and Mindfulness? Find Out Here | ACT Mindfully
Helpful links: