The legacy of kindness

Kindness is the only service that will stand the storm of life and not wash out.  It will wear well and be remembered long after the prism of politeness and the complexion of courtesy have faded away.”

Abraham Lincoln

For much of your early life, if things go according to plan, your world expands.  Family, extended family, friends, events and education all add to the wonderful experience of growing.  The world holds so much promise and excitement just out of your reach, as if to tempt you out of your shell for the first time.

The simple problem with this situation is that what the world offers is simply not guaranteed. What many people find, sometimes very quickly, is that the reality of living is substantially different to the ideal we are presented with as a child.  Inevitably things go wrong, circumstances and people oppose us, we discover we are not as talented as we’d like to be and working is a grind.

Even if your young world is filled with wonderful role models and opportunities, eventually people change, move on and die.  As a result, your world naturally shrinks just a little bit whenever this happens.  It shrinks about the size of the hole that the poor deceased person had taken up in your heart and mind.  Even the influential ones that left you with so much wisdom have this effect.  The benefits of knowing them may have been large, but then so is the hole that they inevitably leave.

Fond recollections

I can remember family Christmas parties from when I was a child.  In fact, I have quite vivid and fond memories of them, if I’m honest.  The room was usually full of funny and interesting people who all seemed to know me.  I was special to them because of who my grandparents were. I’d have to ask Mum or Dad who each of them was and how I was related. It was a generous and welcoming place to be. I can easily visualize those faces singing Auld Lang Syne with a drink in hand late in the evening.  It was a wonderful time, but oh so long ago.

As the years passed, I would occasionally be given reports about ‘so and so’ who’d passed on, or I’d attend funerals of family that I loved dearly. Family who had, in the words of John Le Mesurier, ‘conked out’.  In each case I had the very same sense of sadness for them and for my world, which had shrunk yet again.

You may say that this is inevitable, just part of the human experience, and you’d be right.  You may even bring up the strikingly similar patterns of expansion and retraction of a few successful empires throughout history, and I’d agree with you.  It’s just that it doesn’t feel right.

What made most of these people so interesting and memorable was that they had lived a life.  They did the best that they could through viruses and wars, through tragedy and triumph and through each experience that they were confronted with.  They all did their best to pass on a better world to their children and they always had a kind word for me too. That is why they left such a well defined space in me.

The other side of the coin

I am, of course, aware that not everyone is a decent person and that not everybody was as lucky as I was growing up.  Some friends I know had such a difficult time growing, that when certain people had died, it felt like freedom to them.  It felt like their world had finally opened up.

Bad things happen to good people.  Sometimes things that happen are so bad that it is impossible to let go of the pain. Sometimes people are so hard up against it from the start that everything is a struggle. I mention this to provide a little balance.  Little is gained by only presenting the world through a soft lens. What I want then, is to leave a little inspiration. I want to give strugglers an inkling of hope too.  This message is just as significant for them.

A way forward…

Firstly, consider the examples of good people who have faced inexplicable horror and pain, only to decide that being kind and making the world a better place, was the way forward. Read, for example, the story of Ken Marslew, who started the anti violence charity Enough is Enough after his son Michael was brutally murdered in 1994. Research Rosie Batty, who, after her son was murdered at the hands of his father in 2014, had the courage to speak out against domestic violence and set up a charity to support those who have also suffered. Read about the important work of the Daniel Morcombe Foundation in making the world a safer place for children.

These events are truly heartbreaking and hard to read about, but they do provide a wonderful example for us. I am deeply thankful that I have not been witness to such horror. I am also grateful that these incredible human beings have shown us all the best way forward. That after tragedy it is best to try to be kind to others who have also suffered. To make other people’s lives better. These people show us just how important kindness is.

If, at the end…

If, at the end of your life, whether it was paved with gold or lined with mud, the people you loved sense their world shrink without you in it, then your life has been valuable. It will mean that you are not the selfish person that everyone is happy to see the back of. It will mean you made a difference.

How you become that person is simple, though not always easy.  As often as you are able, no matter the circumstances, be kind.  That’s it. Kindness is the secret formula that changes lives. Kindness is a delicate scent that stays with the people you share it with long after you have slipped away.

Be kind to colleagues, be kind to neighbours, be kind to strangers, be kind to yourself, but above all, be kind to your friends and family.  Small but regular acts of service are as strong an influence on young people as expensive gifts.  I can’t remember many of the gifts my Dad gave me, but I can remember every single time he helped me out.  I remember his generosity of spirit the most.  He has left a space in my heart that only he could fill.

If you live consistently with a generous and gentle spirit, then when it is finally your turn to shuffle off, you will leave an unfillable space where you had once been.  Maybe, just maybe in years to come, your son or daughter will be singing Auld Lang Syne late in the evening with a beer in their hand and smiling at the thought of you.  That’s a win in my book.

Links

Enough is Enough offers support, counselling and assistance to the victims of violence. It also provides education and programs in regards to personal responsibility for actions. 

Enough is Enough

The Daniel Morcombe Foundation | Home

Kindness and other acts of rebellion » The Good The Bad and The Unrelated